In my case, H left many years ago and came back after 5 weeks.
Part of the problem, as I experienced it, is that if the WAS's fantasy of what "could be" isn't lived out and reality realized...there is always a part of them yearning for that alternate scenario. This knowledge can be very helpful in letting the WAS go, showing them the door as a matter of fact, because you want them to come back by their own profound discovery (per Mrs. SP), not simply fear, guilt, obligation etc.
Staying together works if you work it. I do think that people get tired and drop the ball and revert to old patterns. And, the zinger is that I think the LBS most often continues to carry a heavier load in the long run and that can be a killer. I mean, I was supposed to be so grateful that my H came back and gave me another chance...when he left this time, he threw that in my face, that he had given me that chance. WTF??? He was dropping the ball left and right but still had the mentality that after 7 years, it was still me on the ropes being evaluated for worth.
You've got to have two people who want to be married and put the energy into making that first priority. And, I believe, you've got to have tools and resources that you continue to use and don't ever take it for granted.
