If you look at my stitch will will find the vampire post. It really brings things to the light. I started noticing patterns with my H that fit at least half the stuff. I ended up passing it on to my sister who seen about 95% of in her now ex boyfriend. Then she passed it on to her friend who ended up seeing her now ex boyfriend in it too.
My H has stopped being like that to a point but I can still see him doing that vampire thing when it suits him.
I think that you should wait to tell the kids dwhat is going on until you know for positive yourself. I told my girls that me and H were getting a D and that we were moving. I explained it all and told them what to expect. 2 weeks later, it all changed again. Though they were happy that we were not getting a D they were confused by what I had told them and then was changing on them. Yes my kids are younger than yours, but I still think that you should wait until there is something solid to tell them.
Stay strong girl!! You know what is best for you and what will make you a happy woman again. It is so hard to take that leap of faith but who know's, you may find out like some others on here, that you wished that you would have made that leap sooner.
Keep your chin up, we are all cheering for you.
P.S. What about some sort of volunteer work? Lots of places need help and it is also a great place to find other people that like to give of themselves in a good way. I have made many new freinds since I started volunteering with the girl scouts (both my girls are in it). I have found that most of the people that I met are not selfish, selfcentered, or abusive people. I like this little circle that I have found myself in.
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
Our MC appt is tonight. I want to change the topic from "general listening" like we did last week to the verbal assault I got from H last Monday (I'm still feeling a little raw about that- it was so not fair), and while we're there, maybe we should try talking some about the swinging issue, because really, everything else is just a waste of time if we don't hash those out.
And I am also readying myself to go sign the lease tomorrow assuming no major breakthroughs tonight. I guesss I am seeing tonight as the last shot at salvaging something.
And Lost- I was considering something along those lines myself regarding the volunteering. D16 plays violin in the high school orchestra, so I thought I would try working some with the orchestra boosters group this year, chaperoning, uniforms, whatever they need. (D16 calls us the "Dorkestra" parents. Gee, thanks...) The director is always needing more help- he complains that the marching band and especially the show choir booster groups have much better PR among the parents! (I already did my time with those groups- S18 played saxophone, and now he's a music major in college)
Lastly- I really appreciate everybody's concerns about staying safe. I've never been physically afraid of H, but I will keep in mind everybody's tips and warnings. I am listening to all of you.
H just sent a text that he walked into major issues at work this morning, and he's not sure that he will make the appt tonight. I pointed out that it's not until 7pm, but that may not even be late enough for him. I'm going without him if that's the case.
H just sent a text that he walked into major issues at work this morning, and he's not sure that he will make the appt tonight.
Got major issues at home.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Exactly. He's just manipulating you again. Why stop doing what is working for him. He is waiting for you to "put up or shut up about leaving...". Time to call his bluff.
It could be legit at work, but he needs to realize our M is a priority also. He noticed that others at work dropped what they were doing when they had problems at home, it seems like he could too.
H showed up for the MC appt. tonight. It seemed to go pretty well. We both opened up some more, me especially, and we covered the stuff I wanted to tonight. The MC had contacted my IC for some background info like I suggested, (I had given her a limited release- diagnostic impressions only- a couple of weeks ago). He was pleased with how well I was expressing myself, and H seemed to make a little progress with validation. I think the MC has a pretty good grasp of the hurt and anger and resentments that linger below the surface now. He wants to see us again next Thurs. to discuss how we want to proceed with the MC and the M itself.
My plan had been to call off work tomorrow and sign the lease on the apartment, and I also have a follow-up appointment with my IC at 5. Do I wait until after next week's MC session to do that? I guess I was kinda hoping we would talk about that today, meaning where do we go from here, but we were talking about the underlying issues the whole session. I don't know what to do tomorrow. I really don't. Maybe I'll still take the day off to think. I really don't know what to do next.
