I want my family back!

[breakaway]

Sorry you had a difficult time with him. Not surprising though, as he seems quite put out at not getting his way in general.

Tough weekend. I sent him an email on Friday night telling him that I did not want to meet Saturday to discuss the D. That I would much rather do everything through my attorney. As long as he was ok with the temporary payment arrangements that I had sent him, that there was nothing to talk about, and if he could send me his financial forms, I'd have my atty start writing things up. I also asked that he please get back to me with the times that he is getting and returning the boys on Sat so that I could plan my day. I never heard from him the next morning, so I was getting ready to take my 2yo out for a drive so he could fall asleep before soccer. Well he comes barreling down the driveway with his trailer attached to his car. I'm in my robe, trying to get ready to leave and he says "we need to talk, I need to know whats going on with you".. so I go outside, because the kids and my parents were in the house.

Okay, see, right here, complete and utter lack of respect for other people's boundaries. Instead of RESPONDING to your email, he ignored it and then charged in and ambushed you.

I tried to stay calm, and simply said that I am much more comfortable doing it this way, that I don't want to deal with the emotions of trying to work with him. He flipped. Talking about how he was trying to do this the right way. How now he has to go back and get the lawyer again, how this isn't the best option for the boys, because now he'll be in a bad mood again and its not good for his time with the boys.

Blaming you for HIS moods is just emotional abuse and manipulation. He's a big boy. He's in charge of his own moods. This is also some kind of attempt at emotional blackmail...that if you do anything to upset him it will put him in a bad mood for the boys. Don't upset the baby or it will have a tantrum. Ugh. He needs to man up and knock it off.

Oh, started off saying "we ARE getting this divorce, I'm DONE with you" Like he had to convice me that he was through with me. Somebody must have put it in his head that I was doing this to try and get him back.

More like, you can't fire me, because I quit!! He cannot let you be the one to be done, even though he's done all this other [censored]. HE will reject you first, lady!! He's acting like a three year old.. I don't want to play with you anymore...

He said the email upset him so much that he couldnt sleep, and how dare I do that to him on his birthday!

It's amazing how sensitive these selfish people are. Their precious feelings are so fragile.

He started being unreasonable again about things. I dont remember everything that was said (I unfortunately was so frazzled) but I do remember that he kept trying to make it out like he was being such a good guy last week, how he poured his heart out to me, and why can't things be ok now.

Wow, give him a prize. By acting halfway human you are now supposed to do everything on his terms? If he was even HALFWAY sincere about being a good guy about it, then he would RESPECT your boundaries and understand them at least, for God's sake.

I did respond by saying, yes, I appreciate the fact that you had changed, but I am still looking at the big picture, and in the big picture, you still left your family for an OW....

Brilliant answer. Reality.

He flipped again, how it was my fault for the D, how if I had been a good wife, he would have never been looking for anyone else.. etc.. UGH, this is why I wanted counseling. Neither one of us can get past this blame. When he is reasonable, he admits that he should have told me how unhappy he was. When he's this way, its all my fault.

Yes, shame on you for not making this easy for him!! HOW can you do this to HIM? Why can't you take his measly crumbs and thank him for them? It's so unfair!

He started pulling out the paperwork and saying "I dont understand why we cant try to talk about this" I said, what would be any different than the 2 times we tried to do it at mediation? I am doing what is best for me, and what is best for me is to not sit down with you.

Yes! yes yes yes. Any rational person would at least REALIZE that the other party should do what's best for them, even if they don't like it. Not him. How dare you do what's best for YOU??

I did however, finally give in a bit after he just wouldnt stop.

No! No no no no. lol He knows that if he just goes on long enough, wears you down, he will get his lollipop in the grocery store line.

He asked what I wanted for child support (that was what he always argued, even though it is a set formula from the court). So I told him what I wanted, and he said "fine, you can have that" (So obviously he's prepared to do whatever it takes to get this thing over as soon as possible). We didnt do the sit down that he wanted, but he did stay for a while and loaded up his trailer with stuff (he said he didnt know if I was going to throw some temporary order at him to get his stuff out of the house.. silly). He gave me the financial form, and told me to find out how long it would take. (again, big rush for him). Oh, but at one point, I told him that I needed him to watch the kids a few days for various medical appts that I have. He knows that I am worried about losing my insurance coverage through him (my job is contract based and I wont get good insurance). He said something like "If you need to take care of medical things, we'll drag this out until everything is done... It will probably screw my life up, but we will". So anyway, not like I needed confirmation, but its so clear why he is behaving like this.

He's behaving like this because he's a scorned little child, never mind that HE left YOU. BTW, he can be forced to pay your health insurance. So I'm sure that even though it's going to screw up his precious life he'd rather have your medical problems taken care of now than cover your insurance. I STILL THINK his lawyer laid out how it was going to be and he's been scrambling to try to get you to take less.

The stuff about the kids...all I can say is he proves his selfishness every minute about them too. DOCUMENT this stuff. Every bit of it.

So, I'm not completely proud of how I acted, but I don't think he'll ask to sit down and talk with me anymore. I know he is going to keep asking me about the lawyer, and keep asking me about the house being listed, and will get on my case if they are not done in the speed that he things they should be. How should I respond to these?

Your H is not in charge of this process, as he is beginning to discover, much to his rage. Make anything non child related go through a lawyer. No matter what crap he throws in your face, just respond that he has to go through your lawyer. Be business like. If you want to know what he's really like and what goes on in his head, then this will show you. Furthermore, most kid related things can go through a lawyer as well.

HE wanted this. These are the breaks.

Also, I find it so hard to go dark/dim because of issues with the boys. Should I have let him bring them home at 5, even though it was completely wrong? I hated having to text him for that. If I am not happy with something he is doing regarding the boys, should I say something, or let them slide? For example, I do not like that my 4yo is using the OWs daughter's booster seat when they all go out together. I am a firm believer in keeping kids harnessed as long as possible. H knows that, but put him in the backless booster anyway. My blood boils just thinking about it. Do I let it slide? He's not breaking the law, but it is so against my wishes.

I don't have a lot of advice in this area, but I will say that sometimes they will do the opposite of what you want just to spite you, so be careful.