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Dia,

Excellent points. I will re-read the chapters in the book.

Quote:
Edit: Been thinkin' about this for awhile now... Are you possibly struggling with some fear here? That it's safer (for you) to wait for her to make a move b/c then you don't get rejected? Is fear keeping you from moving closer yourself?


I think there is some of that involved too. Which is a ME issue. That one's easy to solve.

Great points.


Me 43, S11, D7
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Originally Posted By: karen43
I think it does mean something very good. smile I've been reading your thread lately, and don't contribute much b/c you are doing so great, and your sitch sounds very good. I'm so happy for you!!! You have helped out a lot of people here too so really deserve the best!!! smile


Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Gima, my friend.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


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Hey GIMA,

Just dropping a line to say hey. Your team came away with a good victory last night. Both of my teams, the Gators and Buckeyes, played well also. Was this the UGA game that you were taking your son to? If so, I hope you guys had a great time. My son and I came back today from Columbus where we saw the Buckeyes. It was my son's first Buckeye game ever. I haven't been in 17 years.

Spending time with your son at college football game...absolutely priceless.

Regards,
LFH


ME: 38
W: 35
D2.5 and S5
Married 12 years
Separated (same house, different rooms)
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Originally Posted By: Looking_For_Help
Hey GIMA,

Just dropping a line to say hey. Your team came away with a good victory last night. Both of my teams, the Gators and Buckeyes, played well also. Was this the UGA game that you were taking your son to? If so, I hope you guys had a great time. My son and I came back today from Columbus where we saw the Buckeyes. It was my son's first Buckeye game ever. I haven't been in 17 years.

Spending time with your son at college football game...absolutely priceless.

Regards,
LFH


Glad you had fun.

No, my S and I were going to my brother's alma mater - Ga. Tech, but we did not get done with S' football practice in time. Was fine, b/c we would have been in the same rain you were.

S and I had fun this weekend anyway. S, despite my alma mater, is a gator fan right now. He literally had tears in his eyes when Tebow got the concussion.


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Well, I have a C appointment tomorrow. I think my C will be shocked that W has not brought up R after 5 months. I'm a bit surprised too. But it is what it is.

This week should be saner from a work perspective than last week. Looking forward to getting some things done.

W has been her normal talkative self tonight. We went to S's baseball game (fall ball). We are watching the Sunday night NFL game. Both of us are tired.

So, one pretty cool thing that has little to do with our M I have done. I had been reading on www.theartofmanliness.com about old school saftey razors. You can save a ton each year by not having to buy cartridge blades and you get a much closer and less irritating shave. The razors look awesome and, I always like a new challenge.

So, last week I ordered a safety razor and shaved with it this weekend. I'm hooked. Only sprung one leak so far, and it was because I was careless. Anyway, that's my latest getting back to being more manly activity.


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Somewhere around the age of three or four, I climed up on my little steppy-stool in the bathroom, found my Daddy's safety razor and attempted to shave. My parents were drawn to the bathroom by the inevitable scream when the inevitable slice happened. Nice, straight razor cut a tad off center in my bottom lip. Bled like anything.

Dia's Mother (to bleeding child with obvious razor cut, discarded razor lying in the sink): Did you shave with Daddy's razor?

4 yr old Dia: Noooooooooo!

Manly - yes, but store it high. wink


The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.

My sitch - Divorce Busted!
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
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Originally Posted By: Dia
Somewhere around the age of three or four, I climed up on my little steppy-stool in the bathroom, found my Daddy's safety razor and attempted to shave. My parents were drawn to the bathroom by the inevitable scream when the inevitable slice happened. Nice, straight razor cut a tad off center in my bottom lip. Bled like anything.

Dia's Mother (to bleeding child with obvious razor cut, discarded razor lying in the sink): Did you shave with Daddy's razor?

4 yr old Dia: Noooooooooo!

Manly - yes, but store it high. wink


It is definitely out of reach of the 5 (will 6 in the next week) yr. old. She doesn't usually take my stuff - would be different if I wore jewelery. laugh


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Gima, I remember that early in my sitch W was acting like everything was going to be OK, but was REALLY hesitant to talk about it. One day at the MC office (back when we were going) she said something to the effect that she didn't want to say that we were going to work this out. It felt to her like she would be giving the green light to going back to how things used to be. She was unhappy with how things used to be so she has a big fear of going back to the old marriage.

It sounds like your W may be in a similar spot. Your limbo may feel better to her than her memory of what your old M was like. She may like the changes and the R improvements, but fear that they will go away and you will go back to how things used to be if you go back to Married Mode.

I know you're against mind reading, but there may be some value in trying to understand the other team to help in your game planning.


Me: 35
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S:9
M: 10 years
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Originally Posted By: Energizer Bunny
Gima, I remember that early in my sitch W was acting like everything was going to be OK, but was REALLY hesitant to talk about it. One day at the MC office (back when we were going) she said something to the effect that she didn't want to say that we were going to work this out. It felt to her like she would be giving the green light to going back to how things used to be. She was unhappy with how things used to be so she has a big fear of going back to the old marriage.

It sounds like your W may be in a similar spot. Your limbo may feel better to her than her memory of what your old M was like. She may like the changes and the R improvements, but fear that they will go away and you will go back to how things used to be if you go back to Married Mode.

I know you're against mind reading, but there may be some value in trying to understand the other team to help in your game planning.


Good points EB.

I have a C session today, and I plan on making this issue the focus of today's session. I will likely suspend my C sessions as I think I have gone as far with C as I can right now.

Part of the problem I see that W and I have is W absolutely refused MC initially. Haven't brought that up since then (that was late April). I don't think she would refuse it now. Maybe she would, but I doubt it.

I can see having to initiate a discussion about our R. I just need to figure out how to have that. Right now, my thinking (which is not well thought out yet) is to tell her where I am, that I do not ever want to return to our old M and that I am pretty happy in all facets of my life except with our M. I am on the fence about telling her I feel my feelings for her drying up b/c I don't want to put too much pressure on her. At the same time, I think she needs to know I cannot, and will not, live like we are right now for an extended period of time. It's not fair to either of us.

Initiating the conversation just seems so against DB. Would appreciate anyone else's input on this.


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Have you thought about holding off on the conversation and just inviting her out on dates?


Me: 35
W: 31
S:9
M: 10 years
Together 13
MySitch - Ups & Downs
She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
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