I tend to agree with Sandi -- your wife would appear to be involved in SOME sort of R with OM. The sudden lack of any touch is a pretty telltale sign, as is the deleting of her TMs on her phone.
I would doubt she's deleting them one at a time, after sending/receiving them. There's most likely a certain time(s) of day when she's deleting them in bulk. Does she keep her phone with her at all times? Does she keep it locked?
You could install a keylogger on her computer, but the cellphone is probably where the communication is taking place. Who gets her cellphone bill, you or her? Any way you can see who she is calling? If she's making calls to OM from her phone, a voice-activated recorder, hidden underneath the front seat of her car, would do the trick in short order.
However, don't do ANY of these things if you don't think you can handle it, emotionally. Seeing/hearing raw evidence of an affair is NOT for the faint of heart, and the images will stay with you for a long time. I personally chose to find out, because I would rather know the truth of what I was going on, and then deal with it accordingly.
Everything else Sandi said is spot-on. You've GOT to cut out the weak, pursuing, mopey behavior, as it's a sure turn-off to her. I know it's hard, but if you want to fight for your mrriage, this is a multi-month process, and you're going to have to strap 'em on.
