Dreams of a New Normal...

[RedSoxFan]

Well, that was fun. A great show at an outdoor venue...no pressure at all from my "date." I think he is actually observant enough to recognize that I'm a world of hurt to get involved with right now. Meaning, great time, great long honest conversation and no kiss...which is sooo good because I was really hoping to avoid that.

Perfect. Now how do you do this next time without worrying about it at all. Just go with it, relax, have fun??

H texted that he felt sad that I "couldn't experience this with the boys too"...(they were at a religious event)...I said "Yes. It is sad. Please give them a kiss for me). And then he proceeded to email me photos.

What are we doing here???

What the heck kind of separation is this?

We miss each other. Our kids miss having their family together. What the heck? Is there a super fabulous brilliant MC who can help us here? (SP I hope you'll let me know if you think you've struck such gold)...

I had fun tonight but no way am I ready to move on with another guy. Dating, okay but weird. I mean I don't have a clue how to be fully present with another man while my H and kids are being a family without me. No biggie. I have gotten enough attention to assure myself that I wont be alone forever without H, I don't need to pursue it now.

Tonight, at this show, before it started, what song do they play with lyrics on the screens to sing along? "I will Survive"...boy did I have fun with that.

And I will. I am aching a bit for the reconciliation that seems within reach but recognizing the overwhelming likelihood that it wont happen, I know I will be alright. I just need some hand holding here as I get closer each day to my "new normal"...

So I thought I was the one on the extremes with the all or nothing perspective. There is a middle path here A&K. Reconciliation does seem like a very real possibility and something to be cautiously optimistic about right now. I think the challenge is to resist the temptation.

Fishing metaphor (learned this from the Red Sox Manager):

He's nibbling on the bait. If you try to set the hook now you might miss and he's gone for good or you might hook him but not well enough to get him all the way in and in the boat.

Only you can know whats right but from where I sit, I want him to have the religious experience I had when I really finally understood what was important and what my priorities were. If you meet him halfway at the early stages of guilt and sadness he may never get there. He won't have to. I know it means harder work for you in the interim But you have the DBizon Network behind you [visual: Verizon commercial with DBing masses standing by to support you ;-)]

* Schmo disclaimer applies