After 30 Years!

[Lost Rabbit]

Well firstly Babycakes is fine, gobby but fine, she still cant steer her bucket on her head properly but is getting about the house ok.

Riding weekend was fab, no real horse to ride but a very smarty pants mechanical one, he measures weight distribution, back/front/side left. All my lower body position was pretty good still and as it was only dramatically repositioned six months ago Im really pleased with that. I had started engaged lower abs so spent a lot of time practising stacking my abs on top of each other to give better support, its sounds all very technical but B manages to make it sound practical and therefore the imagery you take home is invaluable. Also we had a girlie night out in the pub having dinner and a good few glasses of wine! And a good chat with my chum in the car there and back.

When H had kissed me goodbye sat morning he had said he might be here if I wasnt going to be too late, so honour bound I felt it would look good to make the effort to come home when I could and not push the GAL too much but show him how important he was that I would occasionally curtail riding GAL to be with him. When I got home S had slung his car blocking the drive and I had to park over the cul-du-sac and lug my saddle and bag indoors. I had just been held up on the road and was feeling the frustration of being tired, in pain (back), worry about babycakes, and when I got in was greeted my S's frustration at something he wanted to do and couldnt, and H apparently packing! Well dont ask me how, but I managed to breathe, went out to move car onto drive when S was leaving, validate S and say hello to S's GF who I hadnt seen cos of his blacked out windows, then come back in, H was making a cuppa, so I thought regroup, breathe and asked for time to refreshen myself, H looked guilty as he had just emptied the hotwater tank to fix a problem and he was expecting a fuse blow from me, but as I hadnt been near a proper horse, I just mentioned a wash and change was all I needed.

So fresh and attractive I enjoyed my cuppa and was encouraged to sit beside H, he was so obviously tired, and brain frazzled too, he has planned an early night saturday, but S & GF had come over with food to cook and he felt he had to make conversation although he fell asleep on them, he also bruises so easily and had several nasty burns on his arm from the train. It was obvious he didnt want to drive home/go as he kept saying "he ought to" I knew he wanted me to say "its ok stay" but knew if I phrased it wrongly it would create a cut and run moment. So I stated that he didnt have to do anything and could chose to stay and save him the long journey past work only to return in the morning, and he took it with a smile and agreed saying it was sensible to save fuel, but you could see he was grateful for the lifeline I had thrown him.

We cuddle watching a very old James Bond film and at one point I went to the bathroom and check on Babycakes, and when I came back he had his laptop with FB open, he started to close the laptop lid and I said no its ok carrying on if you want, but he said no come back here and have a cuddle its not important. We cooked tea and watched more telly cuddle and I remarked that we it was good to cuddle and that and kisses were one good thing we needed to do more off, something that had seriously got lost along the way. I nodded off a bit so he lifted my legs up and moved settee's and used his laptop again, and again on FB but there was no serious closing up the page when I woke, but maybe thats now because he doesnt feel he has to hide anything, ironic there wasnt anything to hide lol.

We slept in the big bed, isnt it ironic we hadnt slept and I mean sleep in over six months and now he even changed his sentence midway when he went to say MY bed (not his), he said the main bed, still cant quite call it OUR bed. But I woke early and went to put hot water on, as Ive changed it since he left, when I jumped back in, he held my hand and said he'd been asleep since two, interesting his insominia hasnt stopped because he removed me out of his problem! So I mentioned perhaps he should try my tablets, and commented that I only take them to sleep now not so much for the other thing (anxiety) although I may take them for both this evening intimating that it would be hard losing him again, and he replied, "no need for that"

On leaving he kissed me and said he would maybe pop back wednesday, and then said he'd phone thurs, and without realising said no wed wont you want to know about Babycakes visit to the vet, so I then twigged he had ment visiting wed week, he will have finished his contract then so no need to be anywhere, so I hugged him and said it would be very nice.. Not so much a worry as I have heaps to do with some events on madam in the next two weeks..

Anyway enough waffle, just needed to get thoughts on paper, what with Babycakes, WAS coming home, stacking my abs, madam to ride and get ready for event on sunday, Im exhausted and its not even mon pm..