BillM's new thread

[Eskimo Nell]

Bill,
((Well done)) on not calling - if you can keep yourself busy until you know it's too late in the evening to call, it always feels like you have conquered a big mountain - I know, because I have done it! May be nothing to others who find it easy to dismiss calls and texts but for us, it's huge. *Big pat on the back* to you my friend!

For anyone outside looking in, the scene of W singing and you playing guitar must have been just like looking in on the Waltons! I believe these to be dangerous times and, as you say next, she shored up her boundaries. This is pullback time and, from what I gather from the folk here who it has happened to, it's not pleasant. Prepare yourself.

Crass remarks from friends are harmful. There's nothing that you can do about them if your W chooses to think it funny and repeat them in front of you but I truly hope that you ignored the remark - if I had been told something similar, I would have been very hurt. You don't have to put up with that. It needs a stern put down and to my mind, that is for you not to have commented upon it. I wonder what you said? Typical of someone who has no idea of how hurt you are, or of what their precious friend is doing in her life - or to her family. Friends are as dangerous, if not moreso, than the WAS at this stage in the game.

For what it's worth, and I have viewed this in Oz's situation, to start detaching yourself a little would be a great thing. Start acting mysterious around W and make sure that you are the one to go to bed first. Take a 'mysterious' phone call from time to time and do the opposite of what you think W would be expecting of you in a given circumstance (time for 180's). Certainly sounds like she is cake-eating to me and (sorry for the upcoming 2x4) but you are putting the cake on a plate with a frilly doilly and almost feeding it to her off a silver fork! She is not feeling the consequences of her actions as you appear to be rewarding her ...

I'm not advocating that you go all out to spoil any baby steps that you have made and it would be foolish to jeopardise the Retro weekend but I see your W as having the best of both worlds right now. She's moving forth and yet still expecting to get comforts from you. Not acceptable my friend. I know that the temptations are great but you are leaving yourself open for more hurt Bill. Try to gather some strength and DB a little harder!