It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

W asked for 1 wk no contact. I don't know if I want to talk to her any more. I feel betrayed now, forsaken just when it's most important to stick together. She bragged about getting a mohawk (she was a punk-rocker growing up) and I just wanted to tell her to shut up. I said nothing but it seems like she's going through a MLC. She leaves the kids home with her goofy friend.

I did a lot of the same kinds of things. I wanted to go back and be in my 20s again, date new girls, drink and be irresponsible. But I found out that that's not real. At the end of that rainbow is heartache and loss. You can't go back. I want to be the grown up. But I can't say anything to her. She'll just resist, run even further from me.

And then by the time she figures it out for herself?

[TooLateForMe]

I'm also considering an email to her but I thought I'd run it by the folks here before I do that.

Basically, it would be that I want to move on with my life but that I'll always try to be there for her. I still love her and always will. That when she's open to it (after the MLC) I will drop anything to be with her.

Let me know if it's a dumb idea. Lots of those lately.

[givingitmyall]

I'm also considering an email to her but I thought I'd run it by the folks here before I do that.

Basically, it would be that I want to move on with my life but that I'll always try to be there for her. I still love her and always will. That when she's open to it (after the MLC) I will drop anything to be with her.

Let me know if it's a dumb idea. Lots of those lately.

Hey man, no dumb ideas here. Just ones that are driven by emotion and not well thought out.

I would not send the email. What are you trying to accomplish? You are basically giving her a free pass to do whatever and she can come back to you whenever she feels like it.

Whether she's in a MLC or just a WAW, you treat them the same initially as far as DB is concerned.

Just take a deep breath. You are understandably angry and hurt right now. No good decision was ever made when emotions are driving it.

48 hour Rule: Wait 48 hours before making a major decision. If it's a good idea, it will still be a good idea in 48 hours.

Deep breaths. You have to be the bigger person here.

[TooLateForMe]

err... too late.

There was no anger and I'd rather give her the sense that I'm not interested in stifling her. I'm basically accepting things. I will carry that torch but not at the expense of my sanity.

But now I know about the 48 hr rule. I'll definitely start putting that to use... at least from now on.

But I could also be even weirder in 2 days. Every day is a new challenge. There's no real pattern to the good ones or the bad ones.

[Eskimo Nell]

Yup! Parr for the course, I'm afraid.

I have some good days but most are spent being miserable, having my own pity party, feeling apathetic - and very, very lonesome.

Sympathy is reassuring but it is not what makes us better. I respond most to honesty and telling me to get off my a$$, see the sitch for what it is and take the bull by the horns. We have to be prepared to toughen up, get our game face on, put a plan in to action - or sit here in our misery and lose.

There are days when I give in to the apathy and this whole long BH weekend has been full of it. Tomorrow, I start again.

What do you want to do? What are you going to do?? Face the day or face the loss??

[TooLateForMe]

There are days when I give in to the apathy and this whole long BH weekend has been full of it. Tomorrow, I start again.

What do you want to do? What are you going to do?? Face the day or face the loss??

Sorry about the weekend. Mine was bad as well.

I want to move forward and I'm going to. Thanks.

[givingitmyall]

Guys,

I understand. We have all been there.

But, no one said this was easy. And name one thing that is worthwhile that is easy to achieve.

We knew what we were signing up for when we started this.

Get back in the game!

[Eskimo Nell]

GIMA is right MAH ... and so we shall - come on, we shall move forward ... one step at a time, baby steps.

Thanks GIMA - I need heaps of encouragement and it's good that it's out there. MAH sounds a bit like me too - we need to turn the glass from half empty to half full ... and then continue to top it up!

OK MAH - so what's your next move ... ??

[givingitmyall]

GIMA is right MAH ... and so we shall - come on, we shall move forward ... one step at a time, baby steps.

Thanks GIMA - I need heaps of encouragement and it's good that it's out there. MAH sounds a bit like me too - we need to turn the glass from half empty to half full ... and then continue to top it up!

OK MAH - so what's your next move ... ??

I'm reading a great book recommended to me by Coach - "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. I'm a recovering pessimist myself. Great book.

[TooLateForMe]

I'm reading a great book recommended to me by Coach - "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman. I'm a recovering pessimist myself. Great book.

I'll check it out. I'm not giving in. I plan on changing and growing. The hope hurts. I won't give up on my W. Not saying that at all. She's very serious about her own changes and D is one of them. I won't just hand it to her. I don't want it and I believe it's wrong (not morally, just that we have a chance at happiness together).

I plan to get my financial and social act together and start participating in life. I plan on growing the hell up. She will have to file her own divorce and when or if I go to court I will ask for counseling. If I have to get a lawyer then I will (not much in assets between us). I plan on remaining on this site, getting help and hopefully giving it.

So, those are my plans. Other stuff will come up and I will adapt. In the mean time, I can't keep pretending hope is right around the corner. She won't change her mind tomorrow so I have to keep going.

Thanks all for the encouragement. It does help.