@JonF: [Breaking your long query into constituent parts]
(1) could you clearly define why your M hit the rocks
(1a) Within some range of specification, yes; there's still the "mystery" element (so-named by WAW Herself). I could do a better job, at this point, of clearly defining why it sputtered from WAW's POV than from my own -- a better line of inquiry for "my side" is "why didn't it sputter given that...?"
(2) and are you completely certain that you would not repeat your side of the mistakes?
(2a) No. Again, there's the perception problem. What if -- for purposes of argument -- largely no mistakes were empirically made, but Walkaway merely perceived them to be made? Because Walkaway wanted X but did not communicate I Want X to Left-Behind in a way that resonated -- Chinese and Russian, in @aliveandkicking's outstanding metaphor above.
And -- apostasy approacheth -- there is always the possibility that LBS behaves the way s/he does during the slide down because of the way s/he actually feels about the M -- it seems to me that it's at least within the realm of possibility that The Bomb is in some sense a self-fulfilling prophecy. What if Hubby stops communicating with Wife because, by dam, he just doesn't want to communicate anymore?
More problematic -- a la Schnarch and not believing until experienced -- I have a far lower degree of confidence that WAW Herself would not remain WAW Herself even in PeachesandHerbdom.
(3) Are you two new "yous", and need to approach this newness with a whole different gameplan?
(3a) Too early to tell. We're only starting to engage as normal people, so I don't know who she is, and she doesn't know who I am; and I don't know who I am with her, and (projecting, but reasonable projection) she doesn't know who she is with me -- AS WE ARE NOW.
