How do we deal with this devastation; this hurt and pain and fear and loneliness? I know I'm a grown man, (49), who should be able to "deal with it," but my 25 yr relationship, kids and all is being stripped from me. My beautiful bride has morphed into a venomous Pit Bull with PMS, entering menopause. And I still love her and want to love her through this. I am so stressed by this I can't sleep or eat well. I don't want to do life without my wife, lover, friend. I hurt.
Hey Fightin4my wife -
"I know the feeling. Lonely, in limbo, and devastated. I'm walking in your shoes. I learned to truly try to take care of myself and stay busy mentally, and physically. Anything to stop thinking too much about the whole situation. I always have it in my mind, but the key is not to obsess about it 24hrs a day. It took me 10 months to get there. But that's just me. It probably varies with other DBers.
I learned,with the help of awesome people like Carlos, Veronica and MichelleLT, to avoid mindreading, avoid assuming whatever my WAW may do or think. The key is to control your emotions and be very patient. It is truly a test of willpower and self control. Your W will say mean words to you through her hurt and anger. I learned to not respond back when my W engages in the same behavior. Doing 180s are crucial.
I hope you will stay focused on your DB journey. It is not an easy task. But I believe it is worth it in the long run. Whatever happens, you'll be a better person for being patient, and loving. Keep posting and stay strong." - JR09
This is outstanding advice, and so true. We know how you feel...devastated. Believe us when we tell you it will get better...but it takes time, and you can't speed it up! Please do what you are being told here. You will be better off if you do.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
