My very long-winded quest has been to dig into the root of what DBing is all about. To me, at the risk of pointing out the obvious, R problems, divorce rate, etc, debatable as they may be - are all symptoms of a problem, and not the problem itself.

Let me rephrase this question: "Is the marriage failure rate because of this?"

- to this -

"Are marriage failures because of this"? (this being a lack of knowledge of the goods and bads of a person before marrying them)

I would agree with SP on the divorce "in sutu" observation and take that a step further. If you look at simple percentages - the big round number is 50% of marriages end in divorce, but how many of the remaining 50% are divorces "in sutu"? Another 20-25%? What about those couples that don't even bother with the hodge-podge and commitment of vows but simply live together?

Is it possible that there could be as little as 3-4% of all current marriages that are actually reasonable happy and fulfilled to to a greater degree than not?

Let's make that assumption for the moment because I would be very surprised to see anyone provide me with evidence to the contrary.



Why?



Although I realize situations are different, there must be some compelling cause. For example, I read Divorce Remedy. I could swear that Michelle was literally bugging my house because she knew exactly what my WAW had said, did say, and would say in the future - at times, I literally had to put down the book it was that overpowering. I have read newbie posts on here, and time and time again, the WAW and WAH repeat nearly identical actions. If my situation is so predictable, there have to be SOME set of drivers that have some consistency... Right? Or is it, instead, that the human psyche is so predictable in dealing with life?

SP, it appears that, by all casual observance, you have made great strides towards both recovering your self respect (mojo) and perhaps rekindling a future "something" with Mrs. SP - the most important question I have for you is this: could you clearly define why your M hit the rocks, and are you completely certain that you would not repeat your side of the mistakes? I'm not referring to an occasional slip-up, but to a successful pattern. On the other hand, does it matter? Are you two new "yous", and need to approach this newness with a whole different gameplan?

(FYI - I'm not attacking you, or doubting your sincerity, but as a 3-year-veteran, I'm seeking someone who honestly gets it.)