I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

My 180- instead of fighting with him about the sitch - or pressuring, I just kept aloof. H asked "what's wrong - should I keep my distance?" I just said I was tired and worried about money. Besides that, all I can say is he noticed my aloofness. Even came back into the house "because he forgot something" after leaving - something he never does.

He prefers to upset the apple cart and leave screaming and with me trying to resolve things as he's storming out. I'd say I did a good 180 - I cut him off this time. This time, H even came back. He must have been wondering why I just didn't give a darn any more.

I guess that's good right?

Hope,

You are not being predictable, you are not giving him what he wants- attention -and you have him wondering what's up. Sounds good to me!

So how do you keep calm? I've seen this work a couple of times with my sitch. But I'm so stressed out after.

C-Bart,

The short answer is that you have to detach and stop caring so much about how the other person is reacting. It's their problem, not yours. Once you reach the point where you are detaching, you will find that you won't be so stressed out afterwards.

Believe me, getting to the point of "mostly" detached or even "totally" detached is not easy. Certainly that was my experience as a Type A personality who is very protective of my W and a "fixer" by nature. I am not familiar with your sitch but it appears that you have been in the trenches a lot longer than me. Consider detachment. It's not going to eliminate all of the stress you are feeling but it will make things more manageable.