Or am I crazy to think maybe I should let him start talking to me about OW and I can get some insight on what she is giving him that I'm not/wasn't? In DR it says we need to do some investigative work to find out what the spouse was lacking and is filling in the new R. There's absolutely no freaking way that I am/would be willing to meet her/have to see her, that would totally just push my self-control levels beyond their maximum threshold. What I did gather from the pics that I saw, was that he is proud of her. I think proud of the way she looks. He has never taken pics of me by myself or with us together. But, he also never made me feel that he wasn't attracted to me in the past. He was very affectionate with me at home and out in public. But I always felt bad in the back of my mind that maybe he was embarassed by me and my weight problem, even though he would always reassure me that he wasn't and told me that I was beautiful and still very attractive to him, never berated or belittled me about my weight. Now, though I am a new person, with new clothes, a sexy new attitude and self-confidence about myself -45 lbs lighter and still on track to lose the rest of my weight. That's what I am gathering from the physical aspect of things.
From the emotional/mental standpoint of what she is giving to him is what I am lacking and need more clarity on. I am sure it is her feeding his ego with compliments and enthusiasm and reassurance about himself. I always had a hard time with that because of my pent up anger and resentment towards him from all the past hurts in our R. I always wanted to break down my wall and tell him that I still thought he was sexy and fun and compliment him, but wouldn't allow myself to do so for fear of being hurt again.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
