I hoped DBing-specifically the Last resort Technique would help H try to work on our M. Instead it made him angrier.
It is much easier to become angry and place blame as opposed to looking inward. He is not ready to do this yet. Denial plays such a huge role in this. In his mixed up mind, this is the answer. You know better, there is no external fix for an internal problem. Many of them will have to follow through and make the mistake before they will see this.
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I hoped that a miracle would happen but I was wrong there too.
Does this miracle have an expiration date? How do you know you are wrong? This is not on our timeline. This is a LONG process that we do not have control over. If this miracle were to come after everything has ended would it make it any less of one.
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I feel in putting on the brave face, the make up, the smile, I`ve deceived my kids. They know there`s something wrong but cannot put a finger on it. So no words for the fears in their minds. I encourage them to be open and honest and to communicate yet I have done little of that with them regarding the breakdown of our marriage. That feels like a massive betrayal to the three people I hold closest to my heart in this world.
No no no. What other option do you have? Putting your pain on display for your children to see day after day?
Showing your children stregnth and shielding them from the pain is not deceiving them. Yes you need to be open and honest with them if they know something is wrong, but you must take into consideration their age and do your best to explain things to them accordingly.
Everyone who posts here that has children knows how you feel. This is not easy by any means. If you continue to focus on the pain instead of healthy ways to deal with it, you will become angry and bitter.
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Yes, its bootstrap time.Mediation is next Tuesday week. H is gone to his mothers and will be back tonight. I`m going to change tactics now on how I deal with him. Lots more 180s.More mystery, less communication,no smiling. I`ll have made changes to the house by the time he`s back-moved around furniture etc. Showing him I`m moving on with my life. Sorting out practicalities for next week`s mediation appt.
Any more suggestions?
You can do this. There is a balance to moving forward while keeping that door cracked open for your H.
