I hoped DBing-specifically the Last resort Technique would help H try to work on our M. Instead it made him angrier.
I kept hoping for a whole year that somehow I would save my children from the pain of having separated parents. I was wrong.
I hoped that a miracle would happen but I was wrong there too.
Having hope means I won`t let go. Giving up hope and letting go of H is what I need to do.
I feel in putting on the brave face, the make up, the smile, I`ve deceived my kids. They know there`s something wrong but cannot put a finger on it. So no words for the fears in their minds. I encourage them to be open and honest and to communicate yet I have done little of that with them regarding the breakdown of our marriage. That feels like a massive betrayal to the three people I hold closest to my heart in this world.
yes, I am feeling depressed.Last November I just sunk like a stone and I can feel that darkness coming on me again.
Yes, its bootstrap time.Mediation is next Tuesday week. H is gone to his mothers and will be back tonight. I`m going to change tactics now on how I deal with him. Lots more 180s.More mystery, less communication,no smiling. I`ll have made changes to the house by the time he`s back-moved around furniture etc. Showing him I`m moving on with my life. Sorting out practicalities for next week`s mediation appt.
