Tonight spent some time alone with S9, I was in a pretty great mood somehow. Perhaps just grateful for some alone time with him. He was a wreck. Wouldn't use the men's room alone in the book store we were at...literally cried. After, we were talking and I asked him what is really going on with him and he told me that he thought he was okay with only seeing daddy sometimes but he's not. That he wants daddy to live with us...aaargh. My poor sweet boy. I tried to work through it with him. And I pointed out that it is great that he is able to connect what is happening inside him with his feelings, that can take a long time for some people. And, I did encourage him to talk to his dad. He is lucky enough to have a dad who will listen and is available to him. I didn't want to pressure him but I did encourage him to talk to him IF he feels comfortable doing so.
Reading Thinker's thread, I really relate to these opposing feelings...I want my family together but H is no longer my leading man. So, as S9 whimpered about wanting his dad back, I wondered what the heck would I do if somehow H wanted back, would I be the one breaking my kids' hearts? I know, I am no where near that point but then again, it is coming very close and H is texting and emailing again and I wonder if knowing that I am looking for a new place for just me and the boys isn't weighing on him.
He texted me from dinner with a mutual friend that said friend and his wife have "already filed" and how weird it is. To be a fly on that wall. Male friend has a WAW and he has lost 18 lbs (already a thin guy) and bought her a $20,000 piece of jewelry and has been grasping to save the marriage (of course MC sealed the deal )...so, what was their conversation like? This is a guy who used to subtly come on to me and looked like he wished he had me for a wife. Is he commiserating with H? Or is he telling H he's a flippin' moron and if he had a wife like me who was this loyal and this hot ( ), he'd be all over it?
Who knows? Time will tell. All I've got is this steel armor around my heart and the mantra that I am "already divorced" but I can feel the dam cracking and wont be surprised by the rushing emotional tide if this goes all the way to D.
My kids are going to be heartbroken. I am ready. I'll feel it but, I can handle it.
)...so, what was 
), he'd be all over it?
