Thought I was over this

[C-Bart]

So I've got to get my stuff together. Not sure that I'm ready to throw in the towel. Couple of goals for myself, hold me to these please:

1. Get a Life - stop pretending and do it.
2. Re-commit to diet and exercise.
3. Read more. New book "Love as a way of Life"
4. Go into office versus working from home.
5. Have coffee or lunch with a friend.
6. Get more sleep.

[mindfull]

CBart - I have arrived to read up on you. Not sure I'm such a great source of knowlege... But, I'm cute and fun! You'll get good support and stories relating to you...

Our kids are similar ages, except I have a D18, too. Trade ya! LOL

More in a bit.

[C-Bart]

Thanks for stopping in Mindfull. I do appreciate it. My D is 11 going on 20 so no thanks on the swap. :-).

Wow what a night. Someone is looking out for me. Went out and did a little shopping and ran into an old friend and we talk for a long time. Nothing significant. Just nice to run into someone who reminds you that your still alive. Also stopped by my old watering hole and caught up with some folks. Again, nice to know I'm still alive.

Going to get out again with the Kiddos in tow. Need to get a picture to post on the single parents meetup with all of us together. Hard to believe I don't have a picture of me and my kids. We shall change that.

[C-Bart]

Do you think I may have made another mistake? Here is the sitch. Got a call from D11 last night from W cell. She wanted to ask about something. It seemed like W was using her as intermediary. W got on phone and I ask, rather directly to stop. She goes on a 10 minute wine fest about how bad she is being treated by D11. Conversation continues but I can tell she is in one of those moods.

Fast forward to today when I stop to pick up the kiddos. I find out that she was arguing again with D11 and made her go door to door in the neighborhood to apologize for yelling at her mother. D11 tells me W is always yelling at her and pushing her and poking her.

I'm not sure how much of this I should put up with. Is it abusive probably not. Is it destructive, probably.

Here is were I messed up. Called W and asked her what happened. I did not make a judgement but I did ask her why she is so unhappy all the time. She said she's not and I added well you have been for the past week. She run's down a list of all the injustices she has endure at the hands of children. Even throws in a and you were late this morning jab.

Why is she so unhappy? Thought I was the root of all eval. After all she was always telling me how happy she was when she first moved out.

[Buttercup37]

Is D11 the most like her mom in personality? Read that it's often the child who is most like you that is hard to get along with...might not always be true but have seen it multiple times. One helpful thing H did a few weeks ago was when I had a tough moment with D and said something in his presence, he said she often makes him feel the same way. That casual simple statement really seemed to calm me down a lot (not saying it solved everything but his small validation was so helpful!

[C-Bart]

D11 is more like daughterzilla some times. Specially if she is tiered or stressed. W wants to control her which is impossible. D has a way of bringing people down to her level. I've gotten pretty good at shifting her focus but W wants to grunt it out in the weeds.

Good tip on the comments from your H I'll make sure I mention that next time I'm given the chance.

We have an appointment this coming week with a behavioral pediatrician. I set it up two months ago. My hope is we can come up with a plan to address some of these issues. My number 1 concern at this point is for my kids.

[C-Bart]

The tumblers are starting to fall into place. It seems that if I am direct with M she is responsive. Yesterday's "slip up" got some very positive results. She checked in a couple of times. Twice to apologize to both me and D11. Asked me if she could come over and see me tomorrow.

Another piece and this is big for me. Started listening to the audio version of No More Mr. Nice Guy and I'm just in shock at how much this book resembles my life. There is some great content that should help me detach more from W. Thanks Givinginmyall (Gima) for the recommendation.

Hope you all have a good week.

[C-Bart]

SO I'm feeling really used today. W calls wanting to take kids to dancing class with her. But first I have to do something else for D11. What I feel is I get to pay for everything, take care of everything, sacrifice everything and I get absolutely nothing. In the mean time she gets to pop in whenever she has time, come and go whenever she pleases. Absolutely no responsibility and on top of that she gets to act like I have all the problems. She gets her need to not feel lonely met and I get none of my needs met. This is a fine deal. Sign me up for more.

And another thing, if I her here say one more time how she put me through he!! I'm going to loose it folks. What is she doing bragging? I'm mad as he!! and I can't take anymore. I really mad at myself for giving her so much control over my emotions.

[Gardener]

I really mad at myself for giving her so much control over my emotions.

I know. I don't know how many times I've said I've detached only to find I'm still on the roller coaster. After months of (almost) the full spectrum of emotions, I just feel angry more and more. Disdain, actually.

HAng in there. You have reasons to be angry. Experience it, talk it out/pray it out journal it here and then let this legitimate anger episode go.

Fwiw.

[C-Bart]

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement Gardener.

I wonder if anyone really actually detaches completely. I know I've felt it, seen results and been sucked right back in.

Feeling a little better after a little saddle therapy. Although my fingers are a bit numb. A little colder outside than I thought.