Is D11 the most like her mom in personality? Read that it's often the child who is most like you that is hard to get along with...might not always be true but have seen it multiple times. One helpful thing H did a few weeks ago was when I had a tough moment with D and said something in his presence, he said she often makes him feel the same way. That casual simple statement really seemed to calm me down a lot (not saying it solved everything but his small validation was so helpful!
