For me, it's not getting any easier and it's been four months now. I know that people here tell you it should get easier, but I really feel that it depends on your personal, domestic, work situation and how you as a person deals with bad news, grief etc.
As a D of a WAH, I will tell you to be patient. D will come seeking you out at some stage. I did and I got things back together with my father for a time. Other circumstances have dictated over the years but there have been plenty of times when he have been back together and shared deep and meaningful feelings. Your D will always be there and, even if she can't or won't be now, she is very young and as time progresses, she will start wondering about you. I don't think that your fears should lay in her.
At 13, D is experimenting with so many ideas - ideas of being a young woman, ideas of controlling her own thoughts and feelings and 'acting out' on behalf of her mother, undoubtedly. It's a tricky age for young girls and whilst that probably doesn't help you now, you just have to weather her storm. She will be back. Have you tried sending her a letter? Love her, don't pressure her, tell her that you will always be there for her - even if she doesn't want that right now, that you understand what SHE is going through.
As for the rest of your life, my heart bleeds for you - I am going through the same pain of whether or not to give up and move on ... I hate each day of emptiness and with no family here and precious few friends that I can call on, life is one big black question mark. All that gets me through is knowing that I am not on my own - there are plenty here that feel this way too.
I try not to lurk here for long but the board has become my pseudo-family and I get some release from venting on my thread and trying to empathise with others.
I think that the success or failure of DB is already set by the two individuals that are in the M. Some of us here will never have a chance, whilst others seem to DB and win. In your heart, I think that you know the answer to whether or not your W will return to you - and it is listening to that message that should lead you on to your next move.
The techniques are all well and good but if you have a WAS, it's so much more difficult. There may be some good days but most, imho, are bad and it's just learning how to cope. I do think that getting out and GAL'ing are the best ways to make us feel better but it's a long row to hoe on your own.
I have difficulty coping with my resentments and jealous rages at the moment. Writing stuff here helps. I like your idea for a book, if you are talented in that way, you should certainly put some effort in to doing so.
Good luck Mark. I wish you well and pray, as I do for us all here, that your sitch turns out exactly as you want it to.
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
