It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

I've been talking about moving to L.A. for years. Now might be a good time to set my sights on things like that. Start saving and move along. Maybe not as a primary goal, but as an alternative goal. I know W wouldn't care about my feelings about it if she wanted to move.

[TooLateForMe]

Also, I may start work on a novel/story idea based on what's going on now w/ the M. Part true, part fiction.

[TooLateForMe]

Every day is a new challenge. I don't want this any more. I want to give up. I don't know if this is worth it.

D(13) doesn't answer or return calls or texts any more. when I can get a hold of her she claims she didn't get the call, text, instant message or email. She could just be being a forgetful kid. But I'm her dad who can't be with her right now and I KNOW she doesn't do this with her friends. The idea of losing the little contact I have with her is unbelievably painful.

It's not really d's behavior, but the fact that my W has taken all that is precious from me. W is at a concert right now. Don't know if the kids are alone or not. I'm sure I'll get a call or text from W about how much fun she had and I get to smile and laugh and pretend I'm happy she got to have fun (which on some level is true, but I would be a lot happier for her if I was her partner not some schmuck she's "over").

If I'm not allowed to be with the people I love the most, then what's left?

I'm fast losing my resolve here.

[JR09]

MAH,

I can only imagine the pain you are going through. The first weeks will be hard, but you can do it. Use these 3 months to take care of yourself emotionally, physically. This is a "time-out" period for you and your wife. The loneliness will get to you. This is your time to GAL. You will be amazed at the amount of mental, emotional, and physical strenght yhou never knew you had.

This is the ultimate test of willpower and self-control. You can do it. If your family is everything to you, don't give up. You can do it.

JR

[givingitmyall]

MAH,

I echo the previous comments. We have all been there. It hurts in a way you simply can't explain to anyone. You have to have been there to understand.

Right now, you have to focus on yourself and GAL - stay busy. Stop worrying what she thinks.

Even when you think things look very bleak, don't give up. You WILL discover strength you never would have thought you had. That was one of the biggest surprises for me.

The contact from your D is tough. Forgive me, I haven't read your thread, so I do not know your sitch. Is D upset with you? I would tread lightly here - she has to be in a good deal of pain too.

At this point, you don't have to make it through next month. You only have to make it through today. And then tomorrow, you only have to make it through that day.

It is very tough for the first month or two. But it gets easier.

You CAN do this.

[NoLongerHere]

MAH -

You're going to get through this. It's going to get better.
Don't lose your resolve, work on you. If you're feeling crappy, do something for yourself. Go for a walk, go out with friends, GAL, whatever.

I really felt for awhile that every moment was unbearable. But we continue, we breathe one breath after another. What's left? You.

You don't need to lose your resolve, you don't need to decide to give up. It hurts, believe me I know it hurts. But it's going to get better. Put your focus on you right now.

You can get through this.

[TooLateForMe]

Thanks, JR09.

Wrote a big, long spiel about feeling bad and giving up but ended up talking myself into the realization that I love my W and that it's worth it. I hope... Which is one of the reasons why this place helps.

[Eskimo Nell]

MAH
I feel your pain.

For me, it's not getting any easier and it's been four months now. I know that people here tell you it should get easier, but I really feel that it depends on your personal, domestic, work situation and how you as a person deals with bad news, grief etc.

As a D of a WAH, I will tell you to be patient. D will come seeking you out at some stage. I did and I got things back together with my father for a time. Other circumstances have dictated over the years but there have been plenty of times when he have been back together and shared deep and meaningful feelings. Your D will always be there and, even if she can't or won't be now, she is very young and as time progresses, she will start wondering about you. I don't think that your fears should lay in her.

At 13, D is experimenting with so many ideas - ideas of being a young woman, ideas of controlling her own thoughts and feelings and 'acting out' on behalf of her mother, undoubtedly. It's a tricky age for young girls and whilst that probably doesn't help you now, you just have to weather her storm. She will be back. Have you tried sending her a letter? Love her, don't pressure her, tell her that you will always be there for her - even if she doesn't want that right now, that you understand what SHE is going through.

As for the rest of your life, my heart bleeds for you - I am going through the same pain of whether or not to give up and move on ... I hate each day of emptiness and with no family here and precious few friends that I can call on, life is one big black question mark. All that gets me through is knowing that I am not on my own - there are plenty here that feel this way too.

I try not to lurk here for long but the board has become my pseudo-family and I get some release from venting on my thread and trying to empathise with others.

I think that the success or failure of DB is already set by the two individuals that are in the M. Some of us here will never have a chance, whilst others seem to DB and win. In your heart, I think that you know the answer to whether or not your W will return to you - and it is listening to that message that should lead you on to your next move.

The techniques are all well and good but if you have a WAS, it's so much more difficult. There may be some good days but most, imho, are bad and it's just learning how to cope. I do think that getting out and GAL'ing are the best ways to make us feel better but it's a long row to hoe on your own.

I have difficulty coping with my resentments and jealous rages at the moment. Writing stuff here helps. I like your idea for a book, if you are talented in that way, you should certainly put some effort in to doing so.

Good luck Mark. I wish you well and pray, as I do for us all here, that your sitch turns out exactly as you want it to.

[ClingingToHope]

D(13) doesn't answer or return calls or texts any more. when I can get a hold of her she claims she didn't get the call, text, instant message or email. She could just be being a forgetful kid. But I'm her dad who can't be with her right now and I KNOW she doesn't do this with her friends. The idea of losing the little contact I have with her is unbelievably painful.

Please don't do anything rash about your daughter or just back off. She's a teenager. She's going to be thoughtless and selfish even if you are there.

This is a chance for you to be a hero -- to do as much as is possible to keep the relationship alive. When she's 20 and 21, that's what she'll remember.

[TooLateForMe]

Thank you so much for your sympathy. It's a light in a dark room. After all the grief I'm now struggling with apathy.