I honestly believe that love isn't a game of manipulation
I believe this whole-heartedly as well. I'm not trying to manipulate anything w/GF, but what I am doing is trying to establish more of myself alone instead of being dependent emotionally on someone else.
So, I do think I have to "give her the gift of missing me" not to manipulate, but to make sure I'm doing the right things for me. If I "stay away" then I'm forced to do things for me and about me.
Not doing this in the past has done nothing but got me in trouble. I understand what gucciloafer is saying and the part of me acting needy and insecure is what really resonates w/me from his posts.
However, I also know that when things are moving forward, the dynamics change as the roles develop in the relationship. I do feel we're moving forward and I think my being able to give her space when she needs it and still have her want to be w/me and to miss me when I'm not around are good signs.
I do think I'm growing and at times my insecurities of the past do come out and are voiced here on this site. It most likely makes things in my new R seem worse than they are.
My instincts want things to go faster, but that is b/c that's what I'm used to. Going slow is hard for me, but that doesn't mean I'm in a bad situation or I'm doing things incorrectly w/my GF.
In fact, I'm believing I may be looking at the opposite this time around, but if not, then at least I'll be able to use this situation to grow, learn and evolve as a man so when I am in the right relationship (whether it be this one or another in the future), I'll be a better man, a better friend, a better lover, and a better partner to whomever I'm supposed to be with.
In fact, the next book I'm cracking is one suggested to me by Jody - "How to Improve Your Marriage w/out Talking About It." Jody's been wanting me to read it since I've been working w/her over a year and a half ago, so it is about time to do some homework. I'm hoping to glean some insight to building and sustaining a successful, loving, and lasting relationship from that book (among others I'll read) because I do believe what Kerry said "women are a mystery to us men."
I'll call myself a DAM at times, but only b/c I'm saying I'm admitting I'll never be able to understand women and how they tick, but at least I'll continue to try to unlock some of the mysteries and become as good of a man in a relationship as I can.
Life is constantly about learning it seems. I'm finding out that relationships and matters of the heart are no different. When I stop trying to learn and improve, that is when my relationships will begin to turn sour.
