Thanks Oz - yeah, take my own medicine, eh?!! I haven't had a drink for so long and even though I have to swallow my own advice now, I NEEDED something to take the edge off my fury. I didn't quite finish the bottle, but almost!
Was awake at 3am and another early rise for me this morning. I can't get enough sleep, try as I might and it's wearing me down. I won't give in to pills and I don't think that I am quite there yet anyhow.
Today I shall try to cut the lawns again! It's so much effort getting all the equipment out, dragging the bin around with me for the clippings and then to have to start over again today for the aborted attempt that yesterday was.
Still feeling evil about things today. It's better for me when I know that H is spending weekends on his own, too. He is showing no remorse whatsoever about his actions and I just know in my heart and head that this is over ... and I should start to let go. It's so hard though when all the reminders are here and I am just waiting on a full time job to see if I can afford to buy H out of the house. I know that there's still time but I have REALLY had enough of living like this.
I'm so alone and even though I now have a few friends around, it's not the same when they can't be contacted - my family and friends in the UK are so quiet these days and I miss having physical presence of another human. Cuddling up to Cat6 last night, I wondered at how pathetic my life has become to how it was six months ago. This time last year H and I were getting all excited for our trip back home and look at us now ....
WAH 43; W 47 M 16; T 17 Cats 15 & 6 Bomb 27/05/09 ow 28/06/09
"It is only on the darkest night that we see the stars"
