I’m glad the surgery went well for you, I hope the rehab does also.
Right now I guess I’m not doing much for me except the IC. (I am crocheting a blanket for my Grandma at the nursing home- does that count?) I used to take part in a martial arts class (Kajukenpo) until I had knee surgery myself a few years ago, and I’ve been considering going back. (I messed up my meniscus during sparring practice.) Our style has a significant judo component to it, so you do get thrown around the dojo quite a bit. After you turn 40, it seems the hardest part is not getting thrown to the floor; it’s the getting back up- over and over and over and over…. I have considered returning, I need to get a good knee brace before I do.
I also considered going to law school. I currently work as a paralegal and I would love to expand my career options. My H has not been supportive of either consideration. I shouldn’t go back to karate because I’ll just hurt myself again, and I shouldn’t go to law school because the kids will be going themselves in a few years, so I should just try to max out what I’m already doing. I couldn’t go without his support, but I am keeping it in the “someday” category. I do recognize that I need to find some GAL activities for myself, so I picked up the catalog for the city’s fitness and activities center for ideas.
Thinking back to my knee surgery- that was probably the only time that I remember H apologizing and meaning it because "I'm sorry" is just not in his vocabulary. The surgery was outpatient, so I was home the same day. That night H noticed that I was snoring a bit and wanted to nudge me to get me to roll over. He was half-asleep himself, and decided that the best way to nudge me was to…..
wait for it….
kick me in the leg that I just had surgery on!!!! I sat up, grabbed my leg, and couldn’t breath, couldn’t scream, nothing… All of a sudden, I hear “I’m sorry!, I’m sorry!” from the other side of the bed. I could tell he meant it, and that was just a dumb-@ss moment.
Contrast that with a year ago- H popped a plastic bag at point-blank rage next to my ear. That hurt like a b!tch!!! It wasn’t the noise volume of the pop, it was the air pressure- I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my ear when he did that. I complained to H that it hurt, bad enough to get me crying in the bedroom away from everyone, and I was told I was too sensitive because it didn’t hurt his ear. There’s a big difference between point-blank and arm’s length when it comes to ears!!! He was really mad at me for being upset with him- when he’s the one who hurt me! He wasn’t about to apologize for the plastic bag because it shouldn’t have hurt. That’s been a typical response from H for a while- he gets mad if I get upset when he pulls sh!t like that. I have learned to try to hide any tears around him, but I’m not always successful- doesn’t matter if they’re from physical pain or insults masked as “jokes”. It’s not funny!
And your second question- I’m not sure how much the kids know. I’m sure our son is probably more than our daughter, but I’m not positive. We haven’t sat them down for a family discussion, and up to now I wasn’t sure if that was something I should try unilaterally. I know it’s at the point that I need to say something to them. Complicating the matter- S18 told me today that he is thinking that he might want to drop out of college. He just got there! Should I put my plans on hold until we get him squared away and calmed down?