The main reason she said I did not listen to her was because my parents had been living with us and my dad died. My mom was very depressed but my wife wanted her to move out into an apartment they had rented earlier. My mom was too depressed to leave but my wife wanted her to move out. My mom kept telling me she was leaving but then never did. Because I did not get her out soon enough, my wife said I put my mom in front of her. I was living with the promise I had made to my dad to take care of my mom. I thought it would be best for my mom if she was the one who decided to leave instead of being asked to leave.
There are other mistakes I have made in regards to how I handled my W's changes in the past few years so i know I have contributed but I have never ever treated her like she is treating me. No matter what challenges we have been through, I have been close to her.
I do not believe I deserve to be dropped like an old shoe like she has dropped me but, you are right, I cannot change her feelings, except by following the advice I have been given.
Her language used to be touch as she was always wanting to touch me, hold her hand, etc.. Now it is like you said, she appears to cringe at that thought.
Even recently she told me how she resented me for something that happened over 15 years ago and then complained about how sometimes I like to talk when we ML. It was like the floodgates opened about everything she did not like about me.
The other day i had a rough day at work and i talked with my boss who went through an ugly divorce with similar things happening in his life (combined with alcoholism). He told me that she will never find anyone with the integrity and kindness, etc.. that I have. Biased I am sure.
I think I have met my wife's needs more than you would think (maybe I am dreaming). When she told me I was holding her back it was because I did not want her to ride a motorcycle because they are dangerous,....things like that. I know I have not been a perfect husband but we had always had great communication. She used to even tell me that.
It was like, all of a sudden, I was not good enough.
I have spoken inappropriately to her in the last few years because of her sudden changes in beliefs, ideas, etc.. I know what has led to some of those changes and I am trying to be understanding. I cannot understand an affair because that is a total violation of trust. She has always told me that if I was ever involved in an A, she would be done with me, no chances and she said she could never ever do such a thing.
So, an A or a WAW. I don't know. I do know that I will quit being a sick pup. Either way she may not want me back but at least i will not be perceived as being weak, a whiny baby, etc..
Mu counselor has met with both of us before and honestly wonders how long I am going to put up with this situation. Honestly, I love her and will not be the one to break up the family. I will not do that to my kids, even if I have to go without affection the rest of my life (at least that is what i think but look at me, I can't even survive a few weeks very well).
Sorry to babble but I thought I needed to share some more information.
I just started reading "Love Must Be Tough" and it reaffirms all of the suggestions on this site.
