I`ve been really enjoying my calmness in the face of all the crap H has thrown at me. Almost totally chilled.Almost ready to let go in fact...
Almost....
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Therapy yesterday stirred another beast in me. Why was I still hoping he`ll come back to me? Why do I settle for crumbs?Why am I still holding out for a man who`s cruel and abusive?
You know the answer to this. It's what brought you to this place. It's what continues to bring you here. It's what has inspired you to become better. It's ....well, the promise you made, the vow you took. It's the type of person you are and how important your family is to you.
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I`m angry with myself for even thinking that H would attempt to work on the M. I`m angry at me for thinking so damn little of myself that I would choose to spend the rest of my life with a shallow, cruel individual. I`m angry that I chose him to be the father of my kids when he`s plainly not interested in them.
Well like you said....almost. It is perfectly normal to feel angry and to vent, However I feel you have been here long enough to know better than this. Are you forgetting that he is in a crisis?
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I`m angry with myself for being deceived by his Mr Nice Guy`act over the years.
You know better than this. A person would just have to be down right evil to cause so much pain. OR They have some serious problems to work through. Please remember what a crisis is all about. I think you may be angry because your focus is not where it needs to be at the moment and you might be forgetting or overlooking what you have learned about MLC.
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I`m glad to have the night in peace without him!
Then I hope you choose to be at peace tonight, but right now you're angry. Let it out, work through it and keep moving forward. Do not dwell.
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I`d like to ask for tips here on how to bring him down! Subtle stuff that he couldn`t pin on me! Like leaving moths to chew his best sweaters, put garlic in his food etc.
Instead maybe I should ask for help in getting over this angry patch!
I would go with the instead on this one : )
Cycling through different emotions, including anger is all a normal part of this. Allow yourself to feel it and then move forward. By forward I mean putting your focus back on yourself and your children.
