Well, pathetic or not, I'm doing better this weekend than previous. Guess I'm coming along. Not great, but, better.

Cheaters always lie. I think I've got to stop making this a factor. I know she's lying about some things, the rest I don't know. I think I have to drop this for now.

What's different about the last couple of days, is that I behaved in a way to make her feel desired. This "Mr Nice Guy" book is providing me some insight I think. I think I've tended to view intimicay as something to please her. To meet her needs. The difference is approaching her because it's what I want. To make her feel desired.

And again, I have some history to believe this is spot-on for my wife. Well, she's said as much. Karen, I don't know, I know this may seem like the wrong thing to do, but it did get a response from her. It seemed to confuse her motives. It made a difference. So, I'm going to monitor results. I feel like I need to stop being afraid of making mistakes - if it goes wrong, then I'll change. She's already filed for D, so not sure what else can go much more wrong.

I don't want to be dismissive - really - but it seemed to make an impact. But yeah, I'm seeing C again on Tuesday.

Yeah - if I'm a workaholic, i don't want to be. I've been extremely burned out. Again, this "Nice Guy" book has some insights - I've felt trapped by what I've felt I'm supposed to do. That's not an excuse. I need to get in a position to make choices from the view of what I want, not out of fear of failure, or some template in my head. I've got some things to figure out about how I deal with my job. Either change the way I feel about it / respond to it, or something else.

Regarding W being closer - well, the kids have been sick and kind of difficult lately. What she said, when I came home Thursday, was that now that she's getting NO attention from me, it's a lot harder than when she was getting SOME attention from me. It seems clear that she misses me, she misses the support, companionship, etc. At least to some degree. She said her C told her that she needed to be aloof (I'm paraphrasing), but she said that it's hard to do.

There is definitely still a connection there, FWIW.