I`ve been really enjoying my calmness in the face of all the crap H has thrown at me. Almost totally chilled.Almost ready to let go in fact...
Therapy yesterday stirred another beast in me. Why was I still hoping he`ll come back to me? Why do I settle for crumbs?Why am I still holding out for a man who`s cruel and abusive?
H came home for an hour after work yesterday-just long enough to shower change gobble a sandwich and go. Mumbled something about a `management function`. Didn`t come home until 3pm today. Said he was taking the kids to his mother`s `unless I had something else planned`
S14 has stayed at least.
I`m angry with myself for even thinking that H would attempt to work on the M. I`m angry at me for thinking so damn little of myself that I would choose to spend the rest of my life with a shallow, cruel individual. I`m angry that I chose him to be the father of my kids when he`s plainly not interested in them. I`m angry with myself for being deceived by his `Mr Nice Guy`act over the years.
I know I`m supposed to let him go and to do that with dignity and grace.
I really just wish everything awful upon him and want to see him suffer.
Yeah, I know! Not very christian, or kind, or DBing of me!
I`m glad to have the night in peace without him!
Isn`t that ironic? I want him and I`m glad he`s gone...
I`d like to ask for tips here on how to bring him down! Subtle stuff that he couldn`t pin on me! Like leaving moths to chew his best sweaters, put garlic in his food etc.
Instead maybe I should ask for help in getting over this angry patch!
