Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

It was a conversation (if you want to call it that) about son's spelling test tomorrow. I asked a question and he made a face while answering. I called him on it and he asked what kind of face he made so I showed him. He didn't respond, think he stays so annoyed with me all the time that he may not have even known he did it.

I DEFINITELY need to get the book CHange your Life, Karen. Will pick it up this week. I just got "Happiness is a Choice" and "Never Give Up." Will let you know how those are.

[brownidmom]

Today I am at home on the couch with S6 on the love seat. Both of us have colds/sinus issues and his asthma has gotten really bad. I stayed home to give him treatments every 4 hours because he was so bad overnight. Myself, I am on Advil Cold and Sinus- my head and face really started to hurt yesterday to the point that my teeth hurt. Rough night of sleep.

I ordered a few books minutes ago. The 5 love languages, DB (already have DR, just started reading it),and Changing Your Life, at Karen's suggestion. Definitely going to start GALing for just me AND for just me and my boys. Wish detaching was as easy all the time as it is when you're sick. I can't even be bothered with what is going on with H right now!

[brownidmom]

Today, S6 and I were well enough to go to work/school. My head is still throbbing. Around 1:30, got a call that S8 had thrown up and had a fever, so I had to leave work to pick him up. Picked up both since it was so close to end-of-day when I got there.

No time to even think about H again today.

[brownidmom]

Still not feeling great, having a hard time getting my allergies under control. Still have a headache and sinus issues. I need to try to get back on one thread. Not sure if you caught my other one, but H had to go in overnight for tests and neglected to mention to me that he would be gone all night. Ended up staying 2 nights and I still have no idea what the results are.

I have decided that he will talk to me when he feels like it. As I am learning to detach, I realize that there are many times when I don't want to be around him, but that I was so consumed by his not wanting to be around me/talk to me, that I would always make the effort because of the lack of communication between us. Now I am going to worry about myself and my boys and deal with H only when I feel like it. Otherwise, he is a roommate. I will be my congenial self (after I get rid of this sinus nonsense) and move about in daily life with a goal in mind- BE THE BEST ME I I CAN BE, BE THE BEST MOM I CAN BE, DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO, DO WHAT I WANT TO DO, and ENJOY MY LIFE.

I have allowed myself to be miserable for so long. I have to stop blaming my being miserable on H!

Yes, I am finally getting it!!! THANK GOD!!!

Sitting here next to an open window listening to the neighbors working on their home, sun shining through the window is peaceful, even with my headache. Hearing my boys playing computer games from the next room, having them come in every little bit to talk and play with me is joy. I can have a good day even though my life isn't perfect. I can choose to be happy!

[karen43]

I ordered a few books minutes ago. The 5 love languages, DB (already have DR, just started reading it),and Changing Your Life, at Karen's suggestion.

Hope you and the kids are feeling better!!! Everyone around here (in FL) is sick too, but everyone seems to be getting the flu. Yuck!

I think those are all great books. 5 love languages and Changing your Life were really life-changers for me! I have DB (read that one first) and DR also.

Wow, you are getting it!!! You can really tell from your posts. I was like that too, you hear it, you hear it, and then the 10th or 20th time (maybe 50th for me) or whatever something just seems to click and you really get it. I think everyone has a different time schedule for that. But so glad you are sounding so good! Keep it up. You might even want to print out your last post and reread it if you have a low PMA day (still occasionally happens sometimes).

[brownidmom]

Yesterday was quiet, just laundry, straightening up, and watching movies with the boys. I just didn't have it in me to get out and do anything with the continuing sinus problems.

This morning, woke up with H next to me, said he had a lot more work to do today, writing a grant for his non-profit. He initiated LM. A few minutes after H went downstairs, S8 comes to our room and said H told him to ask me if I wanted to go out to breakfast. So, we all got ready and went out to eat. Most of our words are still only about the boys and school, house, etc., but it was a nice gesture on his part. He still hasn't mentioned the hospital or a possible diagnosis. His legs seem kind of stiff today and it is hard to watch because he is such an athlete. I will just be patient.

[brownidmom]

Hi, all!

I haven't been in hiding, just lurking and GALing. Work has been crazy, but TO MY SUPRISE, H and I are doing a better job of communicating. No R talks, but H is definitely being nicer, more engaging. I have been trying not to read too much into that since I know it could just mean that he is trying to show me more respect around the boys.

After that last bit with him talking to the boys, I casually mentioned to him that he shouldn't be saying anything about me to the boys that he wasn't absolutely sure about, that it wasn't fair to bring them into this.

I was coming down the stairs the other morning and heard H's cell buzzing, incoming e-mail or text, and told him. H said it was probably somebody else calling to tell him they were getting a D. I inquired and he said he knows a lot of people whose marriages are breaking up. I didn't ask any more questions and he sounded somewhat sad at the whole thing. I thought I should leave him with those feelings, knowing how hard of a thing that must be to go through.

Today, after finishing up homework and while H was running an errand, S8 says to me that H must have just been angry at me when he was saying those things about me to them in the car because this morning while taking them to school, H said, "I love my wife." I must have had a befuddled look on my face because he shook his head and said to S6, "S6, didn't he say that this morning?" S6 shook his head and said yes.

Then S8 was sitting next to me listening to his MP3 with songs H downloaded for him and one was the song H sang to me at our wedding reception. I told S8 that his dad sang it to me when we got married and we each listened with one bud while I got teary-eyed.

Not sentimental, I STILL LOVE HIM!!!

Hmmmmmm, even if he isn't going to say it to me anytime soon, at least he is trying to make it right with our sons.

Definitely a good step in the right direction.

So, when H came home and walked past, I noticed how great his butt still is, always has been, but I allowed myself to check it out and smile.


BIM

[givingitmyall]

Sounds good. Just stick with the program. It will be hard not to want to pursue, but you have to give him space.

I am happy he is doing much better around your boys.

[brownidmom]

Yes, fixing the way he was dealing with the boys about our sitch is most important.

H fixed the ceiling fan/exhaust in the master bath last night, had been making a terrible, screeching sound for the longest. Came home from Home Depot and said he was going to have to call someone because previous homeowner had made it too difficult to take it out. After about an hour of noises, voila, H made it all better. I was thrilled because without an exhaust fan, I have to clean out the shower extra due to added moisture causing mildew. I didn't want to go overboard, so I just said thanks last night and told him this morning that it worked like a charm while I was in the shower.

I am enjoying the heck out of focusing more of my efforts on the boys and myself. Life gets mundane because of routine, so I have been making little adjustments here and there to just live in the moment, mostly just adjusting my focus really.

I will work on not pursuing. H allows himself around me, sleeps in the same bed, showers in the same bathroom, etc. He even sat down at the computer after his shower this morning before putting on his drawers! Very hard not to react sometimes.

BTW, Change your Life and Everyone in It is another great book by MWD! Check it out!

[brownidmom]

H left this morning to go to a wedding in DC for a friend of his and didn't invite me. No, I'm not angry. Last night when he confirmed that he was going, I said, "So your friend invited us and you uninvited me?" I made absolutely sure that my tone showed no negativity. H:" You weren't invited." Me:" Yes, I was. The only reason I know about the wedding is because the invitation read "Mr. and Mrs. BIM", which is why I opened it in the first place.

This morning, I got up and showered, got the boys ready, left the GPS for H, and left. We ran some errands and went to lunch with a friend of mine. At lunch, phone rang. H had some questinos about GPS. I am not technically savvy at all and I can use it without instructions, but he had some questions. Ah, well. Lunch was good. We are at home relaxing for a while. We will do some chores around the house and then go to a double feature Toy Story/Toy Story II tonight.

H won't be home tomorrow either apparently. Boys and I will ride bikes, I'll do some work in the yard while they play, etc.

BTW, I didn't know H was going to be gone all weekend until Thursday when I mentioned being off on Monday, to which he responded, " I won't be home this weekend." Would he have told me if I hadn't mentioned it, or would he have just left?

Also, I received insurance statement this week. H's hospitalization a couple of weeks ago included $25K in diagnostic testing and I still don't have any idea what they found/ what they ruled out. H refuses to talk about it.

Working on detaching is the best thing I can do right now. Pretend stuff doesn't bother me even when it does until it becomes second nature.