"He is loosing/lost something. And that something is 1,71cm, 60kilos, red/brunette and smokin hot!! And I can see it in his eyes, fear is creeping in. BUT, you are right. He sees my hesitation. But everybody hesitates, pauses before the jump."
Some people step back and don't jump. Some people just do it and see what happens. Think about what you are saying with him being able to "see" your hesitation. Can you "see" his?
"I am embarrassed that you find me "here" FG. Almost where you left me. Only with some regrets..."
Never regret or be embarrassed with the choices you have made in life. You did the best you could with the information you had available at the time. Who knows.. if you had made the other choice you could be way worse off. Friends will support you either way.
I forgot how much I missed posting to you.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
The party was OK. My son was happy, he got a DS Nintento for his birthday, LOVES it!!!
stbxH came, talked to my friends etc etc. He brought his own car and didnt drive with his dad and the party was over, he took bags of presents in his car and our D and said he would meet me "home".
I retreated in the office and he followed and I asked point blank "if we are ok?". He asked what about and I told him about the divorce. He said he didnt know we had agreed to divorce. I repeated to him the phrase I ended my email with "...therefore, any reconciliation effort is doomed and I cant do it".
Long story short, he said I am wrong, I have preconcieved ideas about him, he knows it will be hard and together we could make it. He answered to some of my questions with "I didnt love her, I loved the state I was in" "me and her are over, she knows, I told her I dont want any kind of communication with her", "me and her are not good together, I couldnt possibly live with her, not compatible" etc etc.
I told him I want to divorce. I wont change my mind. He asked me "what was he doing wrong and couldnt convince me, if he had said something wrong". I told him, I am not going to be a third wheel anymore, it's too hard, too much damage has been done, I want out. I told him, he is back because of guilt and because he got caught. I wont get sucked back in. He said, to him, she is over no matter if we are together or not. That I am the most important person in his life. I reminded him he used to say we are not compatible as well. Things in HIS life change easily as it seems.
He said he knows it is hard etc etc, it is human, I shouldnt compare myself to her (I said I am), I am nothing like her (meaning more important) etc etc.
I paused and said... I want the divorce, sorry. Last year you had your chance. I thought about it and I cant do it.
He left. Sad and "quiet". Empty I should say. He asked if I am doing anything tomorrow cause tomorrow is my son's Bday. I said maybe I will do something with my parnets (meaning:you are not included). He asked when am I going to NY. I said I am not anytime soon.
I am amazed I didnt feel like giving in, even a little bit. On his way out, I told him I dont want to get into legal battles, I want things done quickly and immediately. He said I am silly (re the legal battles). K
WOW! He really is living in his own fantasy world where he makes all the rules and we just get to live with them.
He thought you weren't serious? DAM!
Do you think that by saying you are silly re: the legal battles that he means that he's not going to battle or that you're silly because you would think he would?
I don't blame you at all K. Not one bit. You gave him every chance under the sun and he chose to continue the A and call you crazy. His loss. Upward now for you!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Kerry, if I take action and he doesnt follow, we are looking at 4 years and money I dont have to spend. If he agrees, 1 year and he pays for everything...
BTW, he could still change my mind. In a dreamworld, if he fought and resisted and showered me with flowers, poems, letters, purses and shoes, booked a romantic trip to Venice, quit his job, cried and begged, then I would agree to try again. I am a material girl, what can I say?
DS is on a schedule. 1 hour a day AFTER the homework is done.
mish, he meant "we" coudl never fight like that. "WE" are an item... What can I say. Breaking bonds with someone that doesnt want you is hard enough, imagine trying to break them with someone that says he loves you...
LOL