Okay here goes, I'll try not to make it too long. You don't want to read the 5 hour version.
Had not seen H since Tuesday morning, did not expect to see him Friday night. I get a text asking where I am, then a couple of stupid sarcastic texts.
On speaking with H on the phone he asked me to meet him (8.30pm). Met up at the classy establishment known as McDonalds. You all know that one well.
H was rather aggressive and sarcastic to begin with, he started to pour out all that he had been bottling up, I responded with validations where appropriate but at the same time defended myself where I felt it appropriate. There was nothing that was not discussed over the next 5 hours.
I also got to pour out everything that I had also been keeping to myself. For us I believe this was a very necessary and healthy step in our situation.
We discussed the past, things about each other that annoyed the other (past and present), sex, communication, anything you could think of.
The end to this discussion mean't H came back home that night to stay the night. We have agreed that over the next week or so H will stay with his friend so that we both have some space to absorb everything that we discussed.
Conversation between us this morning, was full of positives with H referring to us and we when talking about the future. Got a huge hug and kiss before H left for work.
Going back to the start of Friday evening, H had driven considerable distance to see another friend on arriving decided he had to see me, turned around and drove all the way back.
Not long after H left for work, I got a text saying simply "it had been nice seeing me". H drove all the way back to see other friend today to watch the footy and spend some time with him for support (friend has a WAW). He has sent me a text asking how the BBQ was and asking if I would like to have coffee tomorrow afternoon. He then told me to sleep well and he would see me tomorrow.
I am sensing he is now in a way going back to the basics of when you first meet and start to go out, getting to know each other again.
He is not going away to Qld now, said he wanted us to go together, so we will organise a long weekend away in Qld over the next couple of months when he can get a couple of days off.
H has also said WE will be going to the red birthday party together next Saturday night.
He says he still loves me and falls in love with me again each and every time he sees me.
For the first time last night he actually looked at me with love in his eyes, something I haven't seen in many many months.
I am trying not to get overly excited and I am certainly not pushing or pursuing, it is early days and there is a lot of work to do.
He also said last night that he had secretly hoped each Friday that I would just appear at his work to have coffee or lunch, I told him that I hadn't felt welcome to do that but had thought about it but never acted on it.
Yesterday he had wanted to ring me to say ILY but someone a work told him he shouldn't. I responded by saying that it would have made my day if he had done that and that sometimes that is the problem when others interfere in a negative way when really they shouldn't.
Just to add, I am not expecting a pull back this time, I really don't think it will happen.
One thing H raised last night was that me being mysterious drove him mad and is what led him to the conclusion that I was having an affair also my upbeat attitude did not help either it was driving him away. The only 180 I adopted that actually was positive was becoming more relaxed.
Now my H is a rarity as regards the 180's having a reverse effect on him but I think it just highlights how important it is to really be careful to make sure that any 180's you introduce are monitored carefully and that you don't go in to hard or fast and as soon as you sense any problems back it off. I think the DR book highlights this and it is sooooo important.
Fantastic news, Oz. I really hope he's returning from the land of the aliens.
Did you talk about your feelings about him leaving every weekend, acting like a schoolboy?
Any chance he'd be willing to go to MC? A MC can help you guys learn how to communicate better so that things don't get bottled up. That's essential IMHO. One of the best outcomes of all of this for H and me has been our absolute honesty about things with each other as we go along. There's no chance for bottling things up anymore because it's all out in the open.
Keeping my fingers crossed....
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Don't believe him on your acting mysterious and upbeat worked against you. The FACTS and reality are showing quite the oppostie here...
Don't tell him that you know it worked.
The facts show that he is now opening up and doing some necessary changes. The facts are this didn't happen UNTIL you became mysterious. He told you these things because if he told you the truth he is scared that you would now know it's power...
Do NOT be fooled. The mysteriousness is what WORKED FOR YOU. The results you are getting now are the reality.
Yes I did raise all of the issues of going away every weekend and his schoolboy antics, he acknowledged how they would have come across. I won't mention MC yet, I want to see how the next week pans out, I will see him this afternoon and I will waiting to see his reaction towards me when he gets here, fingers crossed still all good.
Yes you are right I would say, the mysteriousness of some of my actions is actually what brought all this to a head. Maybe if I hadn't done it we would still be floating along in limbo land, not talking and who knows what the outcome would have been.
I can't tell you how happy I am, at the time earlier in the week I honestly thought all was over and lost but no one else saw that you all saw the positives and were confident of a return. Whilst the honestly of telling all has been good at the time a lot of things were hard to hear and accept and it was also hard to tell H where he had gone wrong as well, but all in all the clearing of the air has lifted so much tension.
