Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[Strong&Alive]

I aqm brand new to the site so I hope it's okay to jump in like this but regarding NMMNG, I have not read this book but I am almost completely sure that my wife stopped trying in our sex life, lost interest and is now mostly likely having an affair because I am guilty of the same Mr. Nice Guy behaviors, Do for others and it will come back to you, happiness comes from the outside B.S. that Glover seems to be pointing to. I am very likely no longer attractive to my wife and haven't been for some time. She's always said sex was not that important to her but I think that's a bit of a cover up in hindsight. Like you, I have a hard time not going from nice guy straight to selfish jerk in just one jump when in reality, there are many shades of grey in between. I guess I have to learn how whether she's willing to stop the affair or not. I feel you, brother. We feel that in being so willing to be giving to our partner which is what feels right to us, this should be a perfect atmosphere for love to flourish. It just doesn't seem to work that way for attration and respect and it really sucks. Good luck.

Sleepless,

I suggest you start your own thread - as your situation involves infidelity, on the For Newcomers section, where there are several regular posters who will be able to offer advice.

I also suggest you get NMMNG and start working on yourself and the life you want ASAP - not because this will save your marriage (it may or may not do) - but because you should have been living for yourself and not your spouse all along.

By the way, the goal is not to go from Mr Nice Guy to Mr Selfish Jerk, but from Mr Nice Guy (who is far too nice for his own good and lacks proper boundaries, and is often passive-aggressive, manipulative and resentful with it) to Mr Integrated Male (who is balanced and empowered).

We can talk more on that later.

S&A