I don't really know, but I think it sounds sort of like Thinker. But you know, every one's situation is different. But Thinker has a lot of good ideas.
You asked a question that I thing really does deserve a response. You asked if we are sure they are watching.
Yes, absolutly they are watching. You might not think so, but they are.
How do we know? Because we have been there. If you read through even some current threads, you can see what has happened and the reaction from the MLCer. If they were not watching, there would not be any reactions.
Yes what you do will affect the outcome of this. You can be a total butt and she will most definately feel very justified in divorcing and then you will both have anger and hurt, and you will probably have guilt that you were such a butt.
Or you can do the work, become a better person, behave in ways that you can be proud of, and you MAY remain married or you MAY get divorced. There are no guarantees in this.
It is up to you. That is where your power in this lies. Go read Trapt's latest thread and get a glimpse down the road.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Wife bought her car,only know because she drove by me. Son mentioned it briefly, I told him hey that's great, give your mom a "pound it."
My Suzuki on the other hand, who knows when I'll get it back,smiley face. I called the dealership,it's rite next to mine and told the sales lady,hey just get the keys and I'll pick it up.texted the kids told them when I pick up tomorrow I can get keys from them,too. Vs driving all over town. Now we all know wife is going to do what she wants anyway.
I am proud of her though,her first car she bought by herself,S said she did it herself and saleslady just in conversation said she bought it herself,no one came with her. I feel good for her.
I'm the one that's gonna pay,smiley face.
second ADD cnslr, confirmed I have ADD, vs med's though we're going to work on communication.
Game went great, I was happy, cool and collected. Wife hollered something about snacks to me. Told her handled it earlier this wk. Someone was right, they don't read all the lines of an email, that whole car email mess,I emailed I traded handling the chain gang vs snacks.
sales lady called me and said wife was fine with that and wondered why i didn't ask her at the game, sales lady did say, she told wife that I was proud and happy for her, I am, but she shouldn't have said that, you thinnk?
I was curious about them watching, I had good fun today, not fake,I was myself even walked up to inlaws said hi enjoy ur trip and walked away. but I was nice and smiley like always.
J's 3 beans inputs and he said they're gonna live the single life and they will notice if we thrive,well I think I am starting to thrive. And I got the post in my pocket that said I rocked the boat enough and that's why I didn't go to her,call or text her. I am staying out of the way.
Add cnslr did say and people at work at said that I have my glimmer back. I do feel good and I haven't been as anxious since reading other threads and doing stuff for myself.
It's only been 2 months, but only a couple wks with you guys,don't let me get comfortable and quit, please. My entire life, I'd be gung ho on something like a project then move on. I think that's really my biggest fear, that I'll fall back into what's comfortable for me vs what's right for me. I know for sure that was wifes' concern at the beginning, she said sure you're doing this now,but I don't think you'll keep it up.
I love to prove people wrong. I could in my professional life,now I need to do it in my personal life.
Cnslr said don't sweat the kids not coming to me much, she said be patient, not needy and they'll come around. Just keep in touch with them and do what i'm doing, she said.
You smart posters you!! I heard that before.
I am so excited about new cnslr working on effective communication with me.
Try and use the search although for someone like me who has issues with too much technology, I find it easier to search all of the threads in the archives until I find what I'm looking for. You can also click on the name of the poster and choose see posts.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I think you biggest 180 will be changing your ADD from a problem to a strength. It is hard and a daily battle, but once you control it....the world is truly open! The biggest benefit of this 180 is it will change your life regardless of what happens with your marriage. I am curious though...How are your therapists coming up with this instant diagnosis of ADD? Usually it takes a significant battery of tests to make a qualitative diagnosis.
Well just wanted to check up on you...time to watch some football (today my 180 was a 2 hour touch football game this morning....what a blast!)
Sounds like you're feeling pretty good about things (or as good as you can).
Something to think about, I wouldn't say "I'm proud of you" to your wife right now. I would say something more along the lines of "you must be really proud of yourself."
Showed kids where I was staying,caught them up on fun stuff I'm doing,showed them I can play ping pong and play guitar,have fun,etc.I DIDN'T SMELL LIKE SMOKE.
Took them to mall,D wanted a belt,S's XBOX has been broken for a month,finally gave in and bought him one,he was at the point of tears about not having his beloved XBOX.D insisted on picking out cologne for me so I could pick up the girls.We loaded up in the truck and Both at same time,I had to turn away so they wouldn't see my tear. "Dad we know you're not buying our LOVE."
D said this I mean out of the blue hey dad mom has NOT said the word divorce,she said she was debating on having you stay here,she just didn't want to leave.I didn't get too excited,I didn't mention the email we all saw,last week.
Kids asked for more of their fav treats to be dropped off,they loved them,they did say mom thought it was wierd to drop off at the neighbor,I said guys it was pretty awkward,but I'm not chancing what is and isn't gonna tick off your mother.Guys lets settle on wierd,cause all that matters is you liked the treats,they both said can you do that again?They said they ate out every day last wk.
They kept referring to my weight loss,so did neighbors,they hadn't seen my in a couple mos.Said yeah I lost,but I'm gaining it back.Lost 40 lbs.I swear I wasn't around very long and I didn't linger.
I didn't once say one bad thing bout their mom and didn't ask anything about her.When ever they asked how I felt,I just said you guys know how I feel,I love ur mom.But regardless of what happens,we're all going to be fine and I'm doing great.
There was only once I didn't have a smile on my face.
My DB homework was the letter to kids asking for forgiveness. D told me she hung my letter on her wall.
I did screw up twice,one in front of kids when dropping off. Wife and the neighbor the one that is too close were out front doing something.D saw my face change and she said Dad there's nothing there,I said I know,I just know if roles were reversed your mom would be pretty upset.
Second thing,after dropping off kids,bought a motorcycle I saw while leaving the neighborhood,I took it as a sign, it was exactly what I'd been looking for and loaded it in bed of truck,son calls balling,the "red ring of death" is on the new XBOX,needless to say I came to the house with motorcycle in bed of truck,wife and kids saw it,so did neighbors all but wife excited,it's a $375 piece of junk,doesn't even run,anyway the compulsive side of me got me.And hey I fixed the ring of death after the knight neighbor couldn't,funny I didn't get a call sooner from S.
I played it off motor cycle this way and D helped it was funny,Dad did you have another ADD moment,I said yes,walked up to wifes car said Hey I do like it,ins agent's going to email you tomorrow do you know what the VIN is?She said it was Friday I didn't call him,I know she had no idea what I was talking about. She responded with so you called the agent in a tone and I said yes,I needed to change the policy on the Suzuki.
Funny thing she didn't once get off her butt or move,planted like a rock,that was funny.I mean both times I was at the house this afternoon,she was same place and not going to move.
High fived all the neighbor kids that surrounded me,because they do,said goodbye and met D at the park around the corner and she and I hung out,picked up her friends, I did ask her and she did text her mom as to what we were doing, we were texted back "that's fine" and she was shocked that I skate board w/ some of her friends. Just said Kid there's a lot u guys don't know 'bout me,but I'm not working like I was before,I've got time to thrive.
Then tonite, S calls out of blue and we just sat on either end of the line,he had me on spkr,so I'm sure wife was around,so we recapped our day,wasn't that fun,blah,blah,and caught him up on all the fun stuff I've been doing and plans for next wkend.Did he want me to take or pick up from practice ask mom let me know.
BOTH KIDS SAID THAT Wife has asked if they had talked to me this week??? I text call every day,I just sometimes don't get a response back.
It's odd I don't ask a thing bout her,but she asks them everything bout me,kids said.
That's why I asked if they're watching....
I think I might have made a mistake on a post the other nite about hope. If taken wrong way sorry,but just amazed at the strength shown on that thread.
Sounds like you're feeling pretty good about things (or as good as you can).
Something to think about, I wouldn't say "I'm proud of you" to your wife right now. I would say something more along the lines of "you must be really proud of yourself."
I hope you really enjoy the day with your kids.
HUGS
Didn't say proud to her, I had said that to kids and the salesperson that sold her the car.
