You are a better man than me. I see alot of similarities in your situation as in mine. My W dropped the bomb in May of this year. No hugs, physical touching at all. In fact, she gets anxious and shakes if I just touch her arm. The joke the other night when I put my ego on the shelf and said why don't we just try to hug, I got, I can hug you as a friend. I felt like saying F'U. But I didn't. At the same time, my 3 sons over heard our discussions and cried for the next hour.
I don't know how you have done this for 5 years. You sound like a stand up guy who has gone well beyond what most men can tolerate. My wife and I are going to Retrouville end of October. I have told my W as well that I don't see staying together for the kids is a viable option. For them to grow up in a family where the husband and wife don't show each other love doesn't help. The kids see it already. Retrouville is about getting past the past. I hope she can. If she can't, I don't think I can live like this. I have told the W if this goes to Divorce, I will get two weeks a month and you get two weeks. She has agreed thus far.
I have made the changes, she has noticed and said why the threat of divorce to make you change. The changes are what she always wanted--Now I get "it is too little to late, I can forgive but not forget." You know what, I wasn't a bad guy. I don't think you are a bad guy. We made the changes that make us happy that we can really stick with and not go back in 6 months. They see it as well. I know that you can't set timeframes with your W. Clearly you haven't. I just can't see myself sitting on this website in a year hoping my wife turns around. I guess that is easy for me to say now. You have lived it for 5 years. I am sure it will be different in 6 months. But, I think if this isn't better by xmas or I see some positive steps from her, I have to move on. Maybe that will be the thing to shake her up. Jack 3 is right, if you have a deadline, you have to be able to see it through. Maybe this is all tough talk on my part...I am angry as you can tell.
Fixer you have more patience than I have ever seen. Your daughter will one day see the sacrifices you have made. But don't lose your sense of self, don't sell your soul. I sometimes feel I have done that. Your daughter and my 3 sons will see that someday we made these sacrifices.
It sounds like my W and your W will not get better until something shakes them to the core. Maybe sitting alone in a house will be just that thing.
Remarried 6 mo S 12 S 13 S 16 SD 12 SD 16 SD 17 SS 19
