I know what you mean about thinking that you would not choose to invest in a friendship with someone whom you couldn't trust. As my D-day approaches I am struggling with the same issue. I have done the friendship thing successfully, to the extent that I have a friendly relationship with H. This is huge progress in my sitch......but my anger and pain makes me want to cut him off after D-day. I am human after all. I have been talking to my DB coach about this. I don't know what will happen.
So......in July I started distancing a bit.....and really started distancing about 10 days ago after the 1 year anniversary of the bomb/our wedding anniversary/ and my birthday. I flew to DC to spend that weekend with a male college friend and his GF.....sent H a few photos of the trip featuring male friend prominently (friend was competing in a triathlon that weekend and has a chest like Batman's breastplate). I too am at the point where I often feel that I don't care right now, but my emotions are quite labile. H has been a bit more attentive and asked me to dinner to celebrate my birthday. I told him I had prior plans and suggested an evening next week......so perhaps a somewhat gucci-like approach. I vacillate between anger and grief these days. I'm sharing this because I want you to know you are not alone. My H was the love of my life. I miss THAT man more than I can say. I am so sorry that you feel hopeless right now about a woman who clearly meant/means the world to you. Grieving is part of this process. Sorry I can't be more uplifting this evening. Your palpable grief is allowing my grief to come pouring out. You are not alone in your emotions.
