A lot of them were physically present but mentally absent.Then in some cases the physical absence followed.
It is precisely because they left before they left that they recognise when we are beginning to leave. And in some cases that can be a game changer. "Wait! I am the one leaving! The leavee can't leave the leaver! Dontcha know the rules, baby? How dare you do a switcheroo?"
Once the status quo remains they are good with it.It validates their decision. They can sniff out any shift in the status quo by the LBS truly Getting A Life, truly detaching. It smells familiar. Not like Teen Spirit but like, hey, a walkaway about to happen. Is that fear? In their eyes? Well, maybe not fear. It is a little foggy around them so at times it is hard to tell. But is it a disquiet of some sort? A look of I Am Not So Sure Now?
And so the imperceptible shift begins. And even if it does not bust the divorce it busts their conviction that they were so right that you couldn't change (to wit, "why have you changed now?") That they couldn't want you. That the grass is greener. That . That. That.
SP is right, once you bust Fear you bust this whole thing wide open. Absent Fear, what monsters are left under the bed? Oh, the big old furry one called Pain. But even he will be conquered in time.
