I know that you must grieve and vent but I think that you have gone back to where your eyes are on your H too much. The reality is what it is. However. REALITY IS NOT FINALITY. Try taking your gaze off H. The road you are travelling is not easy but YOU can make it easier on yourself. Do not sit and watch his movements as if you were watching an episode of a bad soap opera.Do not note what he is wearing or what time he goes out. Do not stand in the kitchen or stand watching him in the backyard. You leave him at home. You be the one "Off and running" sometimes. It WILL give you back power. I think that we give them a lot of power by noting their moves. Let us not do it any longer.
Yes, you must grieve. Yes, you are human and will feel pain. But IMHO you will feel a lot better if you step back a little. I know that you are GALing but I would say that you should start leaving him at home or just not being there when he comes in. This is for your PMA! If you are out before he leaves, you can't note what he is wearing or what time he leaves. If you leave him at home it is another chance for him to see you stepping out dressed up and looking like the bomb.
Just a few suggestions and not a 2x4. Leave H and OP in the capable hands of Jesus and take care of you.
