I don't really fit in 'divorced but not done' as I AM "done".
I'm copying & pasting my last post from WAS here... to provide a bit of context.
====== A lot has happened since I last posted.
I have taken a new job, moved to a new city .. many miles away from friends & family. D15 has decided to stay with StBX where she has friends & is just starting her freshman year. I support her in this choice, but am sad and miss her a great deal.
StBX also has not returned to IC, nor made appointments for us to see MC despite my requests he do so. In discussing this as well as the other marital issues over the past few months we came to a mutual agreement to stay married in name only for financial reasons (family business he runs & college financial aid for S19) and work on ourselves as well as prioritizing trust, emotional safety & the friendship.
Some conditions were put on that: if either of us wished to pursue a R with another we would D 1st... or if there were more physical violence, the D would be filed.
Sadly, the 2nd one materialized before the 1st one. We are seeking lawyers to finalize the agreement.. I"m moving my thread to "Surviving" and working to 'move along' with life.
=== And so here I am...
Do I buy drinks now or wait until the papers are signed?.. Or both?
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I am sorry that you find yourself here but welcome. Physical abuse is a no brainer...it happens and you are out the door. I am sure you will be better off. May I have a mudslide please? I find I am in the mood for chocolate.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It seems to me that once physical violence is introduced, it comes back. I'm sure there are exceptions, but they don't seem to happen along very often.
I don't think you need to wait to buy drinks! Margarita, please!
dang, bridge, what happened? same thing as before?
You know how I felt about the whole "staying married in name only" decision. At least this turn of events will bring closure and allow you to fully move on, though I know now is not the best time to be dealing with the sitch.
Has this affected the child or is it all too recent?
In the words of Patty, "It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go." If you need a listener ...
serving kat a mudslide (YUMMY.. love Kahula!)for Jeff a margarita- blended with salt, and for Lodo- a syrah perhaps??
I'm drinking a cold beer- Leinenkugals honey weiss.
yep, lodo.. pretty much same as before... 1st time shame on you, 2nd time shame on me... 3rd time it's time to move along.
Given that we've been separated for over 2 years.. not sure 'finalizing it' will really affect the kids. They have both been told we are seeking out lawyers... they have not been told of their Dad's actions.
Some things well...sometimes are best left unsaid.
Thanks for the welcome... hope to garner some wisdom as I traverse this path from those who have sadly, gone before.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Well, I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this from a legal perspective. StBX & I had discussed months ago that we would use a mediator or collaborative process.
There seems to be few collaborative lawyers in our state... let alone 2 collaborative lawyers that understand the financial component of the business.
The ones that understand the financial (or appear to when talking with them) are not collaborative by any sense of the word (probably because they understand the financial aspects & it's promise for padding their pockets).
There are mediators but none with the financial expertise to understand the complexities of the family business. Which means hiring attorneys/financial guru's who understand that & convey it to the mediator so we can compromise.
What I have read about mediation is that is should not be used when there has been physical or verbal abuse as there is a unspoken (or even spoken) power imbalance that prevents fair compromise.
Anyone have any experience with either of these methods of divorcing? I would love some input of experience here.
Thanks Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Hi SB. thanks for looking me up over here. I admire how you are handling this.. you seem to be in a much better place emotionally than I was before I left.
Thanks for your support. Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Really sorry to see that after all the effort you put into working on your M that it ends in D. But when verbal abuse becomes physical, as yours has, it is time to get out. You're doing the right thing.
I hope everything else in your life is going well.
