It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

Shaking the sense of impending doom would be a good idea. It's going to color your actions, and that isn't a good thing.

That's a hard bone to let go of. And one of many. Will try, though. Thanks.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Didn't say it was going to be easy!

[Amy40]

Shaking the sense of impending doom would be a good idea. It's going to color your actions, and that isn't a good thing.

That's a hard bone to let go of. And one of many. Will try, though. Thanks.

"Do or do not
There is no try"

[Fightin4mywife]

I can relate. I've been disposessed myself. My home, kids, years of labor working our little ranch, everything familiar to me for the past 25 years. The opportunities with the kids. Being homeschoolers has afforded lots of good interaction with them.

All of a sudden, its all gone, done, over. It is totally heart breaking. And to express my hurt to my spouse invites a verbal barrage of "you're pitiful, disgusting, repulsive, manipulative, a liar, blah, blah, blah.

I am sorry for your pain. I feel it right now myself, with you. God convict our precious wives of the drastic and devastating decisions they are making. Turn their hearts back to their husbands.

[TooLateForMe]

Thanks, Fightin4mywife. Not going to bring god into this. I made my mess, it's up to me to do the work I should have done long ago.

It sucks not being w/ my kids. But through email, texting and phone I'm a better, happier parent to them than I was before. I'm learning patience with them that I wish I had. I'm learning to listen to my W, even if she's telling me how wrong I am or how it won't work out. I'm working on rebuilding the life I deprived myself (and my family). I'm learning to be kinder, more social, giving and focused. I'm learning how painful my anger has been to my W and kids... and to me.

Hopefully, I can bring this back to my M.

[Fightin4mywife]

I wish you the best. Agreed about the need on our part to do what we have failed at previously. Just hope its not to late to reach them and show them we are capable.

[mindfull]

Hi:

I saw your original threads. Mind if I chime in here???

I think you said that your W had two D's (4 and 1) when you either met or were married. Do you have any other children together?

I ask, because, your threads expose a great deal of in and out, Divorce, no stay together, move out, move in, etc... Those kids have to be so confused! How about using this time to really make a conscious effort to give the kids some stable presence in their lives?

I think I saw you have a D13 (the then 4 year old?)... I have a D18, and let me tell you, you will need ALL of the stability, good karma, patience, strength and honor to deal with teenage D's!

Lead your family by becoming a stable, drama free, consciously in charge Dad, first.

Let me tell you this, from a Mom... that's hot.

[TooLateForMe]

Yes, mindfull, the girls are always on my mind. They are scarred the most. I take away a great deal with this because I can use it to grow. Their pain is not their fault. D(13) thinks she's ugly which kills me. I now tell her she's beautiful every day. Right now I can't be there every day so I call every night at the same time. I send them emails with cool and fun things I find online.

We have no kids together. I had a vasectomy a few years into our relationship, knowing that I didn't need biological kids. They were and are MY KIDS.

I'm less angry, judging with them now and more open to hear what they are telling me. W likes this, but I know I can do more.

[TooLateForMe]

A lot of the pain and horror has subsided.

Normally this would be a good thing, but I've gained a lot of insight and direction from it. The next few days should determine how I deal without the drive of the immense grief behind me. There is still a lot, just not the nuclear-strength grief of the past month.

Now is the hard part, I suppose--making the real changes without the whip.

[PainfulDusk]

((M A))

I look thru your sitch when I have time. Going dark is so hard. Getting any kind of response or contact makes you want to smile and cry. Ive made more than one mistake on the contact thing. It is so important to stay "detached" and act happy. Hard for me because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Anger and resentment are difficult to keep down. Some days its easier than others. Detachment does take time. Faking it IS painful, you have to stay busy. I have found that when Im busy taking care of myself, or my pets ( I have no children) I think of him less and it helps. The times when your not busy is the hardest. GALing was easy for me to do given my sitch, but even then , it is painful sometimes. You're not alone in working thru what seems like a minefield.

Dusk