We had our weekend getaway. It was going well until Sat. pm when H went outside to the car. I look out the window and see him on his phone...texting. I was upset by the time he got back in, he asks he what's wrong and I tell him I can't believe your contacting her on our "romantic getaway". H flips, gets mad and says he was checking his calendar to see when his next break came up so we could go back. He can't believe I don't trust him etc... I knew it was total bullsh!t. The next week I tried to call phone co. to see if he was texting OW but H has taken me off the account so I can't get any info.
Fast forward...told H last week he has to the end of the month to break all contact and to have no more secrets or I'll know he's not serious about working on the M.
My decision now is to decide what I will do when Oct. 1 shows up and he hasn't stopped. I'm thinking I either tell him to get the he!l out or we live in separate bedrooms and put the house on the market. I don't think he'll stop contact and I will not share my H with someone else.
Meanwhile H acts likes all is well and there are no problems. Me...well I'm just tired of it all and want peace.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Do you know for sure that he contacted OW? It doesn't look like you do. You need to set boundaries. A cheater has to have checks and balances in place.
Set conditions by which you are willing to live.
He has to give you phone company access.
He must show you his phone whenever you ask (unfortunately they tend to erase their entire inbox all the time)
He must account for ALL of his time.
Stuff like that.
You must be willing to set boundaries before you can expect him to follow them. They can't be in your head.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
H either hides his phone or keeps in on him at all times. H erases all messages. H continues to think I am 'spying' on him and maintains "OW" is just a friend. I have asked to see his phone before, he will not let me.
I didn't need to see the phone to know who he contacted. I could tell by his reaction to me. Around that time he began to backtrack a bit and I knew they were contacting each other more.
This is precisely why there is an October 1st deadline. There are no boundaries to set in reference to OW. It's all or nothing.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
Here's the problem with deadlines: you give him a deadline of October 1st, and he'll just take that as permission to continue his affair until September 30th, at which point he'll promise you the moon and the stars to take him back.
It's like giving the terrorists the date that you're going to pull out all your troops -- same concept.
I like INTERNAL deadlines, for YOU, but all you should tell a wayward spouse is that "my patience is not limitless," and keep it vague.
Not having expectations is really hard. I completely sympathize on the patience thing. Never has been one of my fortes. Which makes me pouty from time to time. lol yep, try to stay calm
Got on H's computer. Of course the history shows he's been on her FB page etc... Nothing shocking or new. But also found a bunch of porn sites he's been to and oh, yeah, listings for couples who want a threesome etc...such as one looking for a man. I already know what he'll say...I was just looking, curious, nothing really. It didn't mean anything...yada yada yada.
Then I call him...just a few minutes ago (he's supposedly at baseball practice) I screamed. I don't even remember what I said but told him not to bother lying anymore. Didn't tell him what I found.
Yes, I know, big mistake. Too late now...I was flipping out. All the while he's supposed to be working on our M. BULLSH!T He's effing stringing me along.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
