I haven't defended myself and if I work on my own stuff and I haven't demonized or been angry with her at all or laid a quilt trip ever.
I saw the if you're fat post,but what about things they say that aren't true like all the stuff that happened at the house after i left.That's easy to not respond to.
But if they say you never did,blah,blah,if that's something I wanted to do,take a mental note and if it wasn't going to be or ever be me,just ignore it?
How do I find some of the other threads of those before us?
Last question I hope, one of wifes biggest issues was that i had my own checking acct and I closed it at the beginning of all this in July to show her I didn't have to have a seperate acct.
That has been my only hesitancy opening another acct.If she is watching i think she would think take that as a slap in the face,because it definately was before the MLC.
My wifes MLC seemed stress related and taking on responsibilities and not able to say no or have her voice. I know it's "all my fault" and she may be having an EA,but I know it's too early to tell,but for some reason, reading some of the threads,she had been unhappy about things sure,everyone is, but it wasn't a lack of lifestyle, I think it was a lack of help on my part, but not recent help, past help, from years and years ago.
I know no magic bullet, but if she is watching what I do now and continue to do for myself could affect the outcome.
Ok Jack you were right there isn't a game plan it's not a game, you just focus on the goal, yourself and the chance to save your marriage are your goal and protect the kids are your goal,but if you stay a victim and don't focus on things you should change for yourself,when that other person knew they were a fault and you knew they were a fault that could help fix later. Good thing I didn't buy that dirtbike,that is the behavior she was looking for. I don't think she is drinking like she was, I wonder if it's because I'm not drinking like I was?
Don't worry this isn't too make myself feel better,cause the only way is to make myself better. huh you guys were right,re read some threads.
She said she wanted to be alone and not date, she didn't want to divide property,etc and she has said to others before all this started she never ever wanted to get divorced.Just you know the conversations you have with a friend or spouse if you're alittle insecure about yourself or what the other person is thinking.
We had made a promise when we first met and to date even with all this we have fulfilled our promise.I know why,we were insecure back then,we made a promise way before we took our vows,we didn't allow eachother to grow,because we kept focusing on our promise of no cheating or drug addiction, we didn't focus on our vows and our schedules were such she did too much!!Now she's not insecure anymore and I'm not either, we need to show eachother that somehow.
I've listened to everything she said and some a lot had merit. I mean it is a two way st. And I'm going to hold out hope and work on myself,but if I was an independent person that was perceived to be needy, how do I change that. And if she was needy, but had to be an independent, that's what happened to her. And I know right now she does not want to be married,but I really think she is looking for me to open my own checking acct or spend money on something,I almost have the feeling she is looking for the final straw and just can't find it.
I'm having trouble finding a similar thread can someone point me in the right direction, wife said it and she's right,"I can't make you happy right now." I must've been perceived needy or my mood must've been if I felt like I wasn't the center of her attention I was pissy or down. Guys I NEED TO SMILE MORE!!! that's it! NO matter what's going on in my world, I need to be happy. She thought I was negative,needy and counted on her for everything!What a lack of communication on our part, I NEED TO 180 MYSELF, internally I wasn't those things,that's why the kids are being like they are,they can feel the pressure of me needing them! I don't love because I need them, I need to love them.
Who in these threads was considered negative and needy and saved themselves and their marriage?But away from home wasn't that way?
My wife wasn't a gold digger, she was a catch all that I put on a pedestal, she didn't think she could fail. Man I messed up.It's amazing what someone can take to heart. She must've felt a lot of pressure,with that pedestal comment. So how do I change that,right now she isn't on a pedestal and won't again. I think I need to grow up a little bit in some areas.Huh.
OK I don't have a plan I have 3 goals, Myself better,A great relationship with kids,A chance to have my wife back.
