It is strange how fast things have moved. I am ignoring OM right now. She said she knew he had to go. I will give her some time to handle it and bring it up in the MC session.
I think that's a wise move. Give HER a chance to make the decision and take action on her own. I have all my fingers crossed for you!
and Phoenix..why does anyonehave to be wrapped around a finger? Why does he have to be in the "position of power," which assumes that one person has to be in power over the other. That's the "one up/one down" paradigm. That in order for one partner not to be down they have to be up. Instead of equality. A successful marriage in my opinion is one where the power is shared.
When you word it like that breakaway, it sounds like someone needs to be controlling someone but that's not it at all.
- When tristan and his wife first started seeing each other, it was a joint decision. - when the started dating exclusively, it was a joint decision. - when they got engaged, married, had children, it was a joint decision.
Up until this point,they are sharing the power in the relationship.
- when is wife had an affair with the OM, she made that decision. She took control of their relationship, it wasn't a joint decision she made with tristan, she chose to see the OM, have an affair, develop a new relationship, etc. These were all her decisions. I'm sure tristan said no, he didn't like it but that didn't influence her decisions, she had taken control of the relationship and all the power.
Tristan doesn't have to be the one with all the power, in fact when viewed like that, his wife would certainly not exist in that situation long. They do need to share the power, equality needs to be brought back to their relationship but right now, that can't happen until trust is reestablished and that won't happen until the OM is out of the picture completely and his wife builds trust back through consistent action.
