You know that e-mail seems very defensive. Reading through it; I believe you feel you did something wrong. But if I read this right, it sounds like you were taking care of things through some difficult situations.
It also sounds like you are expecting him to get mad. Perhaps you could take the "as if" approach and assume he will be understanding? You could at least ask for his understanding. I don't know your H, so you will need to make that judgement.
well I do expect him to get mad. He says things like we better not have any credit card debt. We better not be in any kind of trouble. (trouble as defined as we had to spend money). I never want you to tell me something like that again.
This happened one other time, when WE had some credit card debt and I was terrified to talk to him about it, so I just kept putting it off. He was hysterical about it, even though he spent a lot of the money. Then later he said well, He did spend all the money. But I took my 401K money and paid it off. WTF did I do that? That was a long time ago, when things were worse.
Anyway, I did do something wrong, I have lied to his face about how much money is in our acct. More than once. Of course all he has to do is ask the bank, but he won't do that. That last time, when we had this issue of noncommunication over money, I told him I wanted him to have all the banking passwords and to look things up himself, keep himself up to date and then I'd never be tempted to cover stuff up. He refused. I mean, REFUSED to have our own banking passwords. OMG I have a bizarre marriage.
I am friends with a recovered alcoholic/addict and she said, yep, they want someone else to be responsible, and someone else to blame when things go wrong. I don't want that.
Quote:
I would hate for my W to say she "dreads" talking to me ever. I would hope she would feel that she could come to me with anything.
Oh, he knows that. He knows for sure. He knows I'm afraid to come to him.
Quote:
Those are just my thoughts.
thx. I like guy input. And sometimes when I try to clarify for someone else I clarify things for myself.
All of this really puts a nice shining light on how dysfunctional this relationship is.
He does exhibit some compassion for it...recently he found out I'd lost a diamond earring. This happened in the middle of treatment, etc. I was sick about it, but it was really a small problem considering what was going on. One day he asked me about it and I told him I lost it and he got furious. I cried. Then later he said...I'm glad you didn't tell me, I couldnt' have handled that then. Then...he said why do you do this to yourself? why do you carry this stuff around?
Of course he just answered that, but at least he felt some compassion that it's a nightmare carrying "this stuff" around.
