Just random thoughts - I am getting very excited to be divorced. It will almost feel like cutting away a huge anvil I have been dragging along behind me.
But finally, 3 years later, through false reconciliations, etc, I'm looking FORWARD to be divorced, and I can't get W to sign a dissolution. It is more than fair, and she knows it, I actually agreed to getting a little screwed so the kids wouldn't have to go through a full court divorce. Plus, I will be able to get the child support taken off in about a year when W gets a real job, so I'm not stressed.
So, two points that I ponder: 1. How am I so happy my marriage is ending? I have "gone dark" for about a month now, and it is a relief! Every day the kids talk about how much more they love me - D9 told W off the other day because she said something nasty about me!
There is very little in the world that means more to me than my vows. If you were to ask me if I loved W, I would say, "Unconditionally". My kids still want us together, very badly so. I have done the right thing even in excruciating circumstances, and my conscience is clear. Just a weird turn of events for me.
2. Why, after 3 years of fighting me to get divorced, and "hating" me, and wanting her freedom, and an affair - W won't sign the dissolution? She comes up with excuse after excuse. She could have a "legitimate" relationship (OM is married as well) in less than a month - she is getting more compensation than she would through a divorce, and we have a very cooperative child sharing agreement.
I can only think that I have pretty much been a cushion for a long time, and she is now going to be completely responsible for her own screwups. Also, OM is pretty much a deadbeat, lives with parents, personality-minus, has three annoying kids, and apparently expects W to provide for the combined family if a long-term relationships works out - at the same time, W would probably jump off a cliff before admitting that the R with OM was a mistake. Maybe that's it? Dunno, and I honestly don't care.
However, I'm now at a crossroads. I get 60%+ of my kids time right now. We have an informal agreement where I pay less child support than I would in a dissolution or divorce. Also, every month that goes by gets W closer to graduating, having a good job, and cutting off child support completely. So, aside from the affair, legally and financially it is better for me.
Emotionally and from a moral standpoint, I'm prepared to file for divorce, and I feel I need to make a stand to show my children that is NOT OK to have an affair. I hate the thought that we have literally agreed to a dissolution completely, ready to sign - and then I'd have to pay all this new expense. (already have about $5,000 to lawyers)
Is it time for an ultimatum? I.e. You sign dissolution by X date, or I file divorce?
