Your best friend is going to be time. I remember talking with someone on here that was dealing with your exact same feelings, and it started out the same way - mental images, etc.
I think it was like a couple of months before she even had the the ability to sit closely, and watch a movie - let alone any intimacy. Don't force yourself to do anything you aren't ready for - it'll just build up resentment and walls, but at the same time, if you are truly serious about the marriage working, you will need to be able to forgive.
I think the answer on whether to know the details depends on you - if you're the type that fills in the blanks with all the most horrible graphic details, and it consumes you, perhaps knowing the truth will help. If you're like me, then I don't want to know the details - it's enough to know that it was an affair, and all the disgust that comes with that. It's easy for me to truly forgive and forget, and look for the best in the future...
The transparency plan is a huge contributor to building trust...
