Actually, I think this is covered in the books, though maybe it was relating more to affairs? I seem to remember a line about "I don't like how I'm feeling around other men."
At any rate, it's only LRT that says 'no R talks'. And to my eyes, neither Thinker nor GIMA are in LRT.
DR says to ask for what you need, and to experiment and see what works. I think it's DR anyways. Maybe a review of the sections not pertaining to LRT would be in order?
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
And to my eyes, neither Thinker nor GIMA are in LRT.
Agreed.
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DR says to ask for what you need, and to experiment and see what works. I think it's DR anyways. Maybe a review of the sections not pertaining to LRT would be in order?
Thanks for asking. I'm ok. Not down and was never dealing with any depression, sadness or fear. Still not feeling drawn to her. And, quite honestly, if she approached me about ML, I don't think I would. Trust me, I have NEVER turned her down on that.
Strange place. VERY strange indeed.
She is taking our D5 to the beach with a GF of hers this weekend, so S9 and I are going to have a "guys" weekend. W was "nice" enough to ask me yesterday if S could have spend the night company tonight b/c it would be "easier" for me b/c they would play together. How is that easier? S will enjoy.
My S is an only child. W likes to have another kid over for him to play with because she sees it was easier too. She lets them play together so it frees her up from being the playmate for a little while.
Sounds like your love tank has just been dry for a while. Overdrawn if you will.
In my sitch I get little "Ups" that make a few drops of deposit every once in a while that seem to keep me going. (then she rips my guts out)
Maybe Dia's right. Maybe you need to make a little move. Maybe something small, but enough to show movement. Has your W ever been they type to make the first move? Did she ever persue? I'm starting to think that some people just don't have it in them. I have made a few "moves" on my W recently. She was really receptive. I don't think that she would have EVER made the move herself though.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Sounds like your love tank has just been dry for a while. Overdrawn if you will.
NO DOUBT there. I have been trying to fill that myself, and maybe I haven't been doing too well this week. But, I think I am growing tired of being the one, and ONLY one, to fill it. Maybe that's where the anger/resentment comes from.
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Maybe Dia's right. Maybe you need to make a little move. Maybe something small, but enough to show movement. Has your W ever been they type to make the first move? Did she ever persue? I'm starting to think that some people just don't have it in them. I have made a few "moves" on my W recently. She was really receptive. I don't think that she would have EVER made the move herself though.
W is very strong and independent. She has no problem speaking her mind when she feels the need. But, that was pre-bomb W. And as I have been more assertive, I have noticed less assertiviness in her.
Could be a number of things, all requiring mindreading. Maybe she's still "done" (don't think that's it), could beshe doesn't know how to make the first move at this point, could be she is the scared one now, could be she has too much pride. Don't know.
yes, reading body language is a great indicator of how someone is feeling towards you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Here are things my H did that showed me where his interest was before I came back up here:
If he complimented my blouse, he'd reach out to finger the material on my sleeve near the shoulder.
If he complimented my hair, he'd reach out and touch my hair.
When going through doors, he'd hold the door and place his hand on the small of my back.
When he'd hug me goodbye, he'd press his cheek to mine, or one hand would slip up to cradle the back of my head.
When I asked him which necklace he liked better, the touched the necklace against my throat with a fingertip.
These are all really small steps, and I'm sure you can think of more.
Have had NO touching. Only times I can remember any physical contact has been if we bumped into each other or if she were handing me something.
I take that back. There have been a few, VERY few (I could count them on two fingers) where she touched my arm if telling me some funny story.
My perception is she either does not desire physical contact (and I'm not talking about sex here, but that would certainly be included in this statement as well) with me or does not know how to re-establish that.
Now, she could probably say the same thing about me. She was never one to initiate touch, hand holding, hugs. I was. Maybe she is the one female in the world who does not need that. I DO!!! Not b/c I'm a man, but b/c I'm a human being. Her going through early menopause is certainly not helping this aspect either.
So, although she does not seem to want to touch me, her tone of voice and interest in me have not been this positive sicne early on in our M.
