Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

I can feel and imagine the roller coaster of emotions that you are on. As wonderful as your positing sounded, it also sound rather bleak....I am afraid that something identical is happening here. W and I went to dinner and got along all nite, she thanked me for taking her out etc.... everything is nice...but not a ton of indication that she is changing her mind. She is still very very secretive and hides her feelings and other stuff as well.

I am happy that you had a wonderful experience EB. I hope for you that I will result in many more days like this, and end in a positive note when it's all done and said.

I on the other hand (even though the news is only 9 days old) am not feeling quite so promising.

I wish that I knew 9 days in what I know now.

Don't try to talk her out of this! Tell you want to work through this, but DO NOT beg and plead. Do not explain to her why she can't do this. DO NOT force relationship talk. It's the oddest feeling in the world to ignore the damn elephant in the room, but you have to for now.

One mistake that I made is that I wanted to address everything. How could I not have. Obviously we can't fix things by ignoring them. We can't ignore everything long term. Keep in mind though that this isn't long term. This is the road, not the destination.

It got to the point that my W didn't want to talk to me at all because all I wanted to do is address things. It was a bad association for her.

Your W went on a date with you? That's awesome. She THANKED YOU? That's really awesome!! Don't screw it up by pushing R talk. She's going to hide her feelings for now. Expect that. Accept that. It's OK for now. Just keep in mind that this is all for now. She's secretive and hides feelings because she knows that you feel differently, will try to tall her why her feelings/actions are wrong, and she doesn't want to feel judged or criticized. She will open up when she feels comfortable, not a second before. You can't fix it, but you can screw it up. If you try to push, it will only push her farther away. It's just not going to be "fair" to you for a while.

Patience. I have been going through this for nearly a year...and we had the picture perfect marriage. We were the ones that everyone in the family talked about as the perfect couple. Point is, it will take a long time. Look at your positives. Get a life. Dont' force talk. Dont' get clingy. Breathe.