I think the replay is why so lax w/ kids right now. That last email she sent by the way. I'm only guessing, but that was actually the only recent complaints about me.Does that mean she's running out of stuff to be mad at me for?
Because she's gone from how we met to current now on every wrong I have ever done.
And those last complaints other than fridge, I wasn't in the home.
On the dirtbike- Do you have 3-6 months salary saved in your emergency fund! Are all Credit cards payed off? Do you have the money in hand to pay for it with cash? God I sound like some one...lol. If you want the bike and it isn't going to cause a need some place else...go for it! Just don't compulsively blow money on something that may be fun for a week (ADD experienced fellow I be). The fridge is different in my opinion. Is it breaking down and not keeping food cold? Or does somebody just want one like the shiny fridge with the computer in it that was featured on home tv! If it is breaking down, the kids need a safe place to store their food. If it is just an upgrade the fridge to the latest trendy model....wait on the purchase.
You do seem to be in a much better spot mentally today...good for you! Here is my challenge for you this evening....go for a nice long walk. The twist being that you say hello to 10 people on the walk (this will really feel great to your ADD side). I do this all the time and it is a blast!
On the school work front...accept that if you have ADD, more than likely one of your children does. It might be that your daughter has it. There are different forms of ADD and not all of them include hyperactive behavior. Research the net a little bit on teenagers with ADD. There are some great websites filled with helpful tips to help with school work and ADD kids. I used suggestions from those sites to help with my son, and though it takes time the tips will work.
I do agree with letting the school quietly know about the situation. A lot of people will disagree with me on that, but there has been changes to the home front. Fighting, shouting, dad has moved out....the security blanket that was there is now stretched a little bit. The staff at the school should be experienced with children going through times like yours are. Notifying the school in the end gets people to help your children with only the children's best welfare in mind. Don't share details, just that you are separated and the living situation has changed...nothing more. Remember these people will also be working with your wife....so no need for added stress when they work with your children.
wouldn't guess what wife does for a living. MSTRs sp ed
of course <sigh>
Lostforwords makes a good point with the ADD and you kids. Some research would put you in the catbird seat to help them even more. With your experience you are invaluable to do just that.
As far as the school personel having your kids "best intersts" at heart, well, good intentions and all that. They may have a braoder base of experience, however you are the better expert on your kids (no sir, I've not had any bad experiences with that ).
It's up to you to advocate for them and to teach them to do this for themselves.
Went saw bad cnslr,told him the areas where I felt he betrayed my trust,he tried to apologize and I said please just save your breath,talking to you as two professionals. Told him after this conversation to rescind that paper that gave him permission to talk to his wife.
He mentioned something about the add dr. I told him I quit taking the meds,had "me reacting,writing and talking like a hamster on crack."
That I'm going to focus on getting myself healthy.
I told him I know I have a struggle to deal with that is bigger than me and I will get the help I need to get thru it.
He tried to defend wife and said that on Monday wife said I was going to see him again and be afraid I was going to beat him up.
Reminded him talking two professionals,no emotions this time.
Told him he and his wife need to figure out some way to change wifes' thinking on how I'm going to parent kids,they're professionals they figure it out,but you have two weeks."I know my hippa rights and I know my parental rights."
Gave him more accurate time line of wifes' denial stage,he knew about the car,did not know I was not allowed to see the kids or be at the house, he said you feel betrayed by everyone and I said no,I had everything I had or was or felt taken from me,but no one took my freedom to respond the way I am going to.
Let me make this clear and you pass this on to your wife(my wife's cnslr)This is a gift,I am not going to quit,I am going to learn patience. You two are going to prevent my wife from divorcing an extrordinary man until she becomes an extrordinary person,you have two children and me counting on you. Then I said buh bye,might schedule an appt in 3 wks.
You are still over focused on that what you can't control! You discussion with the counselor shows that you think somebody can fix your wife....IT IS OUT OF ANYBODIES CONTROL! You can only control yourself...you are doing better, but nowhere near good enough. Once you realize this, the path will become easier (still not easy, but easier).
People love to get stressed about things they think the can control, put don't really. It is an Illusion we like to create. Whether it is a wayward spouse, the economy, or highway traffic. You can't control this things no matter how much you think you can. The moment you can break your life into things you can control (I.E. yourself) and things you can't control (I.E. highway traffic) and make the decision to not stress over things you can't control....you will find peace.
Off to work I go...I love my job...catch up with you later.
Feel good today, no emails from wife yet. I've texted and called kids, want them for a couple hrs on Sunday,told them both kids that on Wednesday. S talked for 2 minutes last nite,could hear wife in background,like she was listening in, he tells me going to bed, don't want to talk, but he was cheerful.D wouldn't answer her phone and I could hear her in background,too.
When do I let wife know want the kids on Sunday for a couple hours? Short sweet email,"something planned for kids, sunday noon couple hrs,just them,no friends."
).