PLEASE HELP! - About to completely LOSE IT!!!

[aflowergurlie]

Tomato - Thanks for sharing a little of your experience. Yes, the exercise always helps - i wasn't able to to do that, but did go get a spray tan and talked on the phone with SisIL for a while, helped get me back on track.

BC - I am really appreciating you being on the boards for sure. That's the biggest question I am asking myself right now "Is it time to give up and move on?" I'm not sure of the answer yet still - even though earlier I was ready to tell him that I was done and he would now be out of my life forever. For me to not have reacted to what I found is a huge, personal 180 for me. It's actually a continuation because these pics confirmed that she had been in my house one time about 2 months or so ago. I found a few hairs on the bathroom floor after I had been gone for the morning. And I almost reacted then by confronting him with what I found back then. Instead, I talked myself down from it and chose not to. I did keep them in a plastic baggie for a little bit of time but then threw it away. Another personal victory that I DO have the power to not react to this bulls***.

I don't understand why in the world he wants to go with me tomorrow, to be with me at the hospital and then all of this other recent time spent with me as of late? What is he trying to prove, that he is some good person now who can be there for the person he longer wants as his wife? Has he told OW about all this? I wish my head would stop and take a break from it all.

My MIL and SisIL think he just sees me as a buddy/friend/pal now to use when no one else is around/available. I don't know, I'm not getting that vibe totally, but maybe they are right on the money and my assessment is just clouded. All I know is that, and this is gonna sound like the victim card which I hate and don't want to play, but I'm really, really, really tired of hurting and being hurt.

P.S. I could have won an Oscar for my performance tonight when he got home. My game-face appeared even happier than when he left. He also came and knocked on the door and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. ???????