Proof, once again, that Robx's and Gucci's "push/pull" dynamics absolutely WORK.
Women. The more you don't want them, THE MORE THEY FREAKIN' WANT YOU!!!! Esp. if there's another woman who seems to want you. Go figure!!!
Puppy
But it doesn't fix a damned thing. Once the angry make-up sex runs it's course, that woman ends up with the same man she dropped the bomb on. So, yeah, it works for the man(ipulator), but probably won't turn out so well in the end for the silly woman who fell into the trap.
Greek
I think it has to be but one component of a two- or three-pronged approach. GALing, working on one's own issues, maybe a good MC, are all important.
It's a tactic, not a strategy, or even a Plan in and of itself.
- Puppy, who never could memorize the playbook, but always knew how to get the hottest cheerleaders under the bleachers
I dont know. Once the 'angry make-up' sex has run its course, that woman had better have made some serious and honest changes toward working on this marriage!.
Where is manipulation when the man finally gives up and wants to walk away himself? Found there is a life outside this hell of being crapped on by his wife; found there might be someone else who wants to be with him EXCLUSIVELY, faithfully and honestly. Oh, Then the wife decides, 'oh my, i really didnt want this to end up like this' and back pedals.
you have me thinking, is this yet more silly game playing and manipulation by the Walk-Away-Wife. Give him a little sex, he likes sex, he thinks sex fixes everything. It will keep him in toe for a while. hmmmmm....
Yeah, if it's just make-up sex then it's nothing more than a prologue to a big emotional hangover or a potential rebound with the WAS.
There's a lot to be sorted in a complicated sitch like this and ML is just one part of it. I think our boy SP understands that perfectly.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
I personally love make-up sex! Makes the fight worthwhile. And then there is afterglow.... Who's to say that things haven't gotten any better with a lot of push/pull and emotional strength training exercises?
I hear ya. I was kinda going with the whole "preventing-overflowing-onto-themselves" by channeling the passion in another way--because, really, they're the only ones without any voice in this matter. Also going with that sense that the verbal passion tends to take things down to the raw-est of levels. And sometimes, when the sex has been absent or stilted for awhile, taking THAT to the raw-est level can cut through BS that nothing else can.
I didn't mean it as a cure-all. yeah, it would be complicated--but this seems to be a situation that's stuck in an intimacy--distancing cycle, and changing tactics and experiencing radical vulnerability in the other can shift the dynamic when nothing else has. And once things get to the extreme of pulling Themselves into it, it's time for a radical re-do.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Where is manipulation when the man finally gives up and wants to walk away himself? Found there is a life outside this hell of being crapped on by his wife; found there might be someone else who wants to be with him EXCLUSIVELY, faithfully and honestly. Oh, Then the wife decides, 'oh my, i really didnt want this to end up like this' and back pedals.
you have me thinking, is this yet more silly game playing and manipulation by the Walk-Away-Wife. Give him a little sex, he likes sex, he thinks sex fixes everything. It will keep him in toe for a while. hmmmmm....
Gucci and some of the boys often prescribe this jealousy route as a means to bring WAW back to the M. I think that is dead wrong - my opinion - for reasons I stated in my earlier post. It may bring her back but without The Work, she ain't staying. Now...if LBS is GAL, and doing The Work, and looking Fine...and WAW sees this and say "hmmmmm....maybe I don't want to Leave this Spouse Behind" .... that's different.
The entire exercise of attracting one person by giving attention to another person breeds mistrust on both sides. You more or less proved that with your "you have me thinking" follow up. When folks go the Gucci route (sorry Gucci) trust gets trampled.
MHO.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
The entire exercise of attracting one person by giving attention to another person breeds mistrust on both sides. You more or less proved that with your "you have me thinking" follow up. When folks go the Gucci route (sorry Gucci) trust gets trampled.
you bring up some excellent points (and something i dont understand about people while reading many of the posts on this site) but for me trust would go right out the freaking window as soon as they starting freaking around. i would think what the hell is wrong with a little game playing when they are playing hide the sausage with someone else. but thats just me. non-cuckold steve.
Now...if LBS is NOTGAL, and NOT doing The Work, and NOT looking Fine... they have other things to worry about then how to make their spouse jealous.
and "you have me thinking" i do have an interesting follow-up to post, just not right now
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Greek, when a M is this close to dead (as so many of these sitches are), whatever can jar the perception of the WAS is worth a shot especially when the dating and involvement with OP is NOT about attracting WAS back but about one's owns process.
For example, I met someone recently, though I never thought I would be remotely intimate with another man until I was divorced and done with H. Well, my meeting this new person opened up a whole world of new possibilities for me and when I came back from being away, I was noticeably different. I wasn't trying to make H jealous, heck I wasn't trying to do anything but the effect was that H saw me differently and I see myself differently.
I do not believe in dating to make a spouse jealous, I believe in living and experiencing and being open to the possibilities.
I also find the references to WAWs here a little demeaning and condescending. It is bloody hell dealing with WAS whether male or female.
I'm going to weigh in a bit here, but I'll forego the cut-and-paste because I'm on the phone.
With respect to the Gucci-Robx method, let me say that from my POV it can work but I suspect it is situationally and context-specific.
The Persons, Mr and Mrs, have not had "angry make-up sex," so that dialog is a bit far afield.
I am not skipping a light fandango with Miss Someone to make Mrs jealous; I'm doing it because Miss and I like dancing and each other and are both "in the process" and are (were) sex-starved. Frankly I think Mrs is jealous because I'm not doing it to make her jealous.
With respect to in re:@Greek, what is making WAW "crazy f*cking hot" for Smiley's Person Himself is the GAL and 180 demonstration.
------- Telcon betwixt us because The Boy got in serious trouble at school, and WAW had to pick him up and has him imprisoned at my house. Talked about the details and then said I'd pick up dinner for Themselves and did she want anything?
No, no thanks. She's going out tonight. Okay then, I'll be about an hour.
WAW starts to say something and cracks up; tries again, same result.
What's so funny?
"I almost said 'Bye, I love you.'. Old habits die hard, I guess."
